TRIGGER WARNING

As a young gay boy in an abusive home, I went online to find support from adults. I had initially poitive experiences, but by the time I was 13, I was being asked to preform cyber sex with men online, playing in their fantasies, and having them record me. This went on weekly for five years, and it was the only outlet I had to express my sexuality...

When I was 17, I had sex with my first man, who was in his 40s. During my first two years of university, I did not know how to positively express myself sexually, and twice when I had too much to drink, men had anal sex with me without my consent. I see still both of these men who raped me on campus.

Having begun my recovery journey in the last year and a half, depression, flashbacks, and anxiety have been constants, but I am still pushing to shape a positive future for myself, maybe someday find a loving relationship, and follow my dreams.

I am really looking forward to connecting with other male survivors.

Many HUGS
JayBro

Hi JayBro

Welcome to MS.

I'm sorry for the abuse you suffered but I'm glad you found this place.

I hope you will find it as healing as I have. There are a bunch of great guys here who really care (and have a good understanding about what is going on in our heads).

Take your time and have a good look around.

Thank you Farmer Boy, that means a lot to me. I am real glad and lucky to have found this place as well. My university has free therapy sessions, and so this semester I have also been meeting weekly at a men's therapy circle which has also been real rewarding. While I am the only one there dealing with CSA, today was the first time in my life I recieved personal replies from other CSA survivors.

Thank you so much.

For me, speaking freely is highly therapeutic. The MS boards give me that opportunity. I'm sorry you have experienced CSA, but I'm also hopeful your visits here will lead you on the path to healing. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Will

I think so too, Will. It meant a lot to me just a few minutes ago to be reading your own personal story and journey. It really does give me so much hope to be seeing fellow men who have gone through the process I am in, and have gone on to lead fulfilling lives.

Right now, I am trying to discover what it means to be an adult, and a man, given my past. Even before the CSA, my childhood had much physical abuse from my parents (Which is why I went online), and I only learnt from my parents how NOT to be. But what about how TO be? What kind of a person am I? As a gay 21 year old, I feel disconnected from the general gay community, I was abused by so many men and as a teen I did not have much male comradery. However, discovering male comradery is something I crave so much now and I feel would be real beneficial in my recovery process.
My best friend in Germany really helped start this process, but he has not experienced CSA and I am only the 2nd gay person he has ever met, so sometimes when I really wish I could talk with him about these nitty-gritty things, he does not have an answer.
However, that being said, it does a world of good for me to see straight, bi, gay, and non-labelled men here uniting under common experiences and common understanding.

I am looking forward to where this community will take me.

consider me to have checked "all of the above" - and then some.

i'm sure you will find at least some of what you are looking for here.

glad to have you with us,
Lee

Welcome, JayBro!

Thank you Lee! You have indeed made me feel quite welcomed

Nick

Hi JayBro, welcome to MaleSurvivor!
I'm sorry that you have reason to be here ; at least you can find some compassion and support among other survivors, that is something that we all need.
There are many resources offered to us here, please look around and learn as much as possible, it could add huge value to your healing process....

Pero

Hi JayBro
Glad to see you here! I'm sure you will find many compassionate men here that will allow you to share and recover.
Life has many facets .. we are all like diamonds in the rough .. some of the cuts hurt .. but in the end we will all come out as the brillant men we are.
Good luck in your journey .. will hopefully see you on the site.
Take Care

Thank you so much finallyopen!! HUGS :)) I'm about to write something now, and reading this has just given me some courage

It really meant a lot to me, to have all of your responses to my story. It always takes a lot out of me to address it. But you all were there

I just wanted to let everyone know, that since joining MS, I have been feeling a lot more calm, and less anxious. I am so thankful to have found this forum