My husband told me on Friday that he is a survivor of 10 years of very frequent abuse by an adult male family friend. My world is crumbling... I'm so sad though I feel that the heaviness of this has not yet hit me all the way. My husband and I have been together 10 years and married 3. I can not believe that he could not tell me until now. It was only until a week ago when he threatened suicide and later decided to go to treatment for alcoholism that this all came out. I'm just... overwhelmed and sad.

Leah,

My heart goes out to you and your husband. I completely understand that he did not disclose his abuse to you. I did the same thing. The shame, guilt and hopelessness is such a strong power over us. Please love him and support him unconditionally. He needs you more now than ever!

dear leah,

it was not easy for him, you need to understand that. he trusts you tons, otherwise he would have never told you this. imagine all the shame and guilt that abusers put into the kids when they abuse them. lots of them never talk for lifetime.
men have more difficulites to say this than us women. strong guys and other stupid blablabla makes them quiet.
its good that you know. i only found out when my daughter came and told me her dad abused her. his mother and several others had abused him for many years in his childhood and it totally twisted his mind. yesterday he got his court sentence for it.

good luck to you and make sure he can trust you by being honest at all times. he has started now being honest, appreciate it!

ela

my heart goes out to you.

not being able to tell you has nothing to do with you really. just love him, and make sure he knows that you are next to him as he takes this on.

Leah,
Your statement that this isn't reality is very much correct. It is however a ghost if you will, that is trying to haunt him and force him to believe in the past experience as a determining factor of his future. Lots of people do lots of things in this life. He has chosen to trust you with this painful secret. Thank God that it is out and you are now both moving forward from here. If it helps, think of it as a gunshot wound that he endured as a child that he never showed you. The scar is there, it's ugly, it's not caused by you and he is still maybe a little uncomfortable if he moves or twists a certain way. The healing inside his true tissue is what's at stake. Be there for him in this matter and you will have a friend for life, I promise.
The absolute best to you and yours, Dewey