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#416021 - 11/12/12 07:21 AM An apology
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 688
Loc: Southeast USA
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Cruel Summer
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#416061 - 11/12/12 06:20 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3317
Loc: back in the USA
Will - i sure get what you are saying here:

*** The experience of simultaneous fear, loathing, anger, and pleasure sent me into a period of confusion that took a couple of years to detangle.***

i would LOVE to hear more of that part of your story - if you are OK with sharing it - if not publicly, then by PM. that is where i am right now - the confusion part.

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#416120 - 11/13/12 11:59 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 688
Loc: Southeast USA
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_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#416184 - 11/13/12 09:00 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Will

Thanks for sharing. Rather than just lurking around this post I thought I should say that I'm here too (confused). I see myself as straight with SSA .... most of the time. Thanks for asking the question Lee.

I feel a bit sad that I still haven't worked this out and I'm nearly 36. I guess I didn't get all those positive experiences in my teens.

Will - do you still feel a hint of confusion or is it dead and buried?
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#416190 - 11/13/12 09:34 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 688
Loc: Southeast USA
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_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#416196 - 11/13/12 10:18 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
HUGS

It sure does make sense

Thank you for sharing your story.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#416308 - 11/15/12 07:22 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 688
Loc: Southeast USA
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_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#416374 - 11/15/12 07:58 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 176
Loc: Puget Sound
Suwanee, Ansley Park, wow in the early 80s I used to live on the other side of the park on Greenwood Ave in Virginia Highlands; small world; but it was a very different time. I have always struggled mightily with this issue, even had a real boyfriend; your opening statement is so true If anything, male CSA demonstrates that sexuality is much more complicated than that. Im still not resolved about this, I walk down the street and have really never ogled the guys or the girls specifically; just anyone that attracted me, which in an average day might mean no one. But if I see that spark or twinkle even if just for a second from someone I find appealing its a real turn-on. So for me right now I look at it like I could love anyone as long as it was reciprocated without regard to sex, and Im fine with that right now and think I always have been.
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#416382 - 11/15/12 09:02 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 688
Loc: Southeast USA
.
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

Top
#416476 - 11/17/12 02:58 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3317
Loc: back in the USA
Thanks, Will!

that was far more than i expected or hoped for.
i appreciate you taking the time and effort to respond with such depth and candor.
it was really helpful.
i'm still processing...

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#416497 - 11/17/12 10:52 AM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 688
Loc: Southeast USA
Lee, I tend to get pretty verbose at times. When I am really "feeling it" I can write volumes.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#416500 - 11/17/12 01:55 PM Re: An apology [Re: Suwanee]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Will,

Thank you for sharing more of your story above, it is of course both unique and common at the same time to many of us. As I was reading it, I was struck by the concept of how we all so struggled with compartmentalizing the abuse away from our "normal" lives we were living while the abuse was occurring. The "this is this" and "that is that" way of dealing with it. Your story made me think back on that time again with misty eyes, and remember what a struggle it was.

Also, I just wanted to comment on what an excellent writer you are, which I hope you already know and realize about yourself. You have a great gift for stringing the words together. smile
_________________________
Eddie

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