and I'm announcing it to all my circles so that I Follow Through.

It's been suggested to me MANY times over the years that I consider doing this, and I always shied away from doing it because of fear and my CSA issues.

But I did have a few years of experience working with 'at risk' teens in an after school program. It was one of the most challenging and rewarding things I'd ever done, and I was astonished at how easy it was for me to build a rapport with them. Some of those kids fell in love with me, and idolized me. A few of them have friended me on Facebook, to my surprise.

With all the work I've been doing to love myself, I've been VERY frustrated that I could never feel the love I have been demonstrating to myself with all my efforts. I still feel empty and lacking and totally disconnected.

Jude has kicked me in the butt with another reminder - and I'm taking his suggestion. I'm starting the application process and will follow through and start volunteering and working with kids. They deserve it, and *I* deserve it. I felt connected and valued when I worked with kids before, and I will do it again for my own sake.

Wish me luck - the application process is apparently hard and time consuming, and they need latino volunteers, not white people like me. So I may ultimately be rejected because there is no need for me. But if my HP is working in my life, my HP will make the opportunity happen.

HP? You listening?

D

*

I'be volunteered as well. It was one of the most rewarding experiences in my life.

Wonderful step, D!

It is only in reaching out with no self-focus that I have truly found myself. That's only my own truth but thought I'd share it.

I feel silly seeing this pop back up after my melt down over the last 2 weeks.

Yes, I've finally discovered where I can devote my time and energy and feel a sense of self worth and self esteem. People have been recommending I volunteer for ages, but I've always had so much anxiety around people that the task seemed impossible. I've never enjoyed being around other people my own age - such arduous work.

Then I remembered that I don't feel that when I'm around the youngins. It's a control thing.

As long as I feel like I'm in control, then I can feel a sense of safety, and thus starting developing empathy and compassion.

Wish I knew how to feel safe around people. Period.

Good for you.
I was a Big Brother for 4 years ... enjoyed it very much.
Good luck my friend .. it can be an awesome experience