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Hi Suwanee,
I can relate to the repressed memories and can offer this. Even though we repressed it for so long it was a lot of work to put up the ole alter ego and yes it was tiring and a lot of energy to be someone I wasn't. My repressed memories started surfacing about a year ago. Through a great psychologist and the right medication I am becoming stronger and realizing the person I really am. Patience is most important right now. All of this takes time to deal with and the emotions that I now feel and have to learn is sometimes overpowering, but I keep telling myself that I am better today than a year ago. We are fighters and will win this fight.
The anger you are feeling is new to me. It is a recent and a new thing for me. I would have never thought that I would lash out like I am doing lately. This is a major focus for me and therapy. I will stay in contact of any progress and success with it and hope you return the favor. We have every right to be angry but we do not need to let it set us back.
Stay strong,
Randy

I'll echo the call for patience. This stuff doesn't neccesarily work itself out on our schedule. Those close to you will understand that you're going through something difficult. Those not so close will just have to deal with it. This is about you and getting yourself healthy. Try not to worry about the others right now. It will take as long as it takes.

Anger, shame, and guilt are all to familiar to the men here. I'll add self-hatred to the list too. The only way out is thru it, painful as that is. Keep posting and you'll get all the support we can give you.

Jude

I have anger, but keep reflecting it inwards. A few times however, when I am reviewing my feelings, I break through and direct my anger towards the hundreds of men who took advantage of me... but the thing is, I do not know the identity of most of them, it happened online, it happened years ago, they lived mostly abroad in the US or UK....and what could I do? By outsourcing my anger in the proper direction to me is a breakthrough.

I might say though, that my anger does not manifest itself in my actions towards others. Only in either actions towards myself or have it fester into anxiety and snappyness towards my loved ones. I know what you mean, I want my normal self again. Thing is, this abuse happened as I was a teen, and then from my few years as an adult, I was raped....all the while, until last year when I was 20, these feelings repressed. Therefore, I have never had a normal.