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#415659 - 11/08/12 04:55 AM Failure in bed, afraid of a repeat "performance"
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 271
Loc: Europe
I'm in my forties, and I know our bodies don't work quite as quickly by then as when we are 20 or whatever, but the last time my wife and I tried to get intimate, I couldn't get an erection.

She gave up pretty quickly, saying she was tired, and had to get up early, etc.

It was humiliating. I just wanted to try longer, but I don't know if it would have helped.

I do get erections in the morning and at other times. Sometimes thinking about my abuse gives me an erection, so it seems very unfair that then being with my wife and teh mother of my two children I can't "deliver."

As soon as we gave up and I lay down, the erection came. This did not cheer me up. It made me think there is something about real intimacy that is blocking me.

Now I am afraid of this happening again. I know that extra stress doesn't help, that fear can make things even more difficult, but I can't help it.

Has anyone out there overcome something like this? How did you do it?
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#415672 - 11/08/12 09:27 AM Re: Failure in bed, afraid of a repeat "performance" [Re: learning2remember]
antonimm1979 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 12
Loc: Spain
Sure. The first thing is to clearly understand under which circunstances you perform better and not. Phsysical state, psychological, some sexual practices or others...

For instance I can have sex in nearly every circunstances but during the first time I am with a girl (I am single) and if I have to use preservative, it has been nearly impossible for me to maintain the erection. I was reluctant to take something, but a little peace of levitra, just with that, I solved the problem.

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#420223 - 12/27/12 10:07 AM Re: Failure in bed, afraid of a repeat "performance" [Re: learning2remember]
Scotty123 Offline


Registered: 12/07/09
Posts: 51



Edited by Scotty123 (01/08/13 04:42 AM)

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#420282 - 12/28/12 02:03 AM Re: Failure in bed, afraid of a repeat "performance" [Re: learning2remember]
Jude Online   content


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1588
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: learning2remember
...but the last time my wife and I tried to get intimate, I couldn't get an erection......Has anyone out there overcome something like this? How did you do it?


One Word: Viagra!
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#420790 - 01/03/13 07:02 AM Re: Failure in bed, afraid of a repeat "performance" [Re: learning2remember]
Justaname Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 17
I've struggled with this immensely. Everytime I have had sex I haven't been able to maintain an erection. I've probably only ever had penetration sex less than 10 times and every time i can remember i've lost my erection and never been able to come.

In lieu of this issue I have felt a need to avoid sex and intimate relationships and it sucks. All I can say is try to relax and talk with your wife about it, you might be suprised at what could come from being completely honest with your wife about what your going through and why you think you have this issue, and go easy on yourself, cheers

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