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#41556 - 05/18/01 11:48 PM growing frustration
ScooterSCS Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/01
Posts: 37
Loc: Chicago, IL
For the love of god! I am sick and tired of this daily cycle of crap upon crap I go through. Everyday is filled with frustration beyond explanation. I am very easily irritated by my sister and I don't know why.
I want to rest, maybe have a little fun. I can't, I can't have any fun without it being ruined by someone or something triggering my "depression" if that's what you want to call it.
I hate it, hiding under a blanket isn't doing sh*t, Scott. Nothing! Rocking back and forth in the fetal possition laying in bed isn't doing anything but making me feel worse. I hate me, I am going to be 20 in 6 days, I still feel and sometimes act like a 12 year old. Volnerable, that's what I am...always deffensive like everyone is out to get me. I've said most of this stuff in past posts but it's what happens to me everyday.
I haven't talked to my best friend since Sunday...I don't want to call her in fear (i guess) that she hates me or is mad at me. I haven't talked to any of my friends for that fact since the night I got home from school for the summer (last Thursday).
I don't know what it is when sometimes I feel like I'm fine and then when I am alone and idling all hell breaks loose. I want it to end...I want it to end...I am strong, but how much more of this sh*t can one person go through before snapping?
I am frustrated with everything I do, think and hear. I'm sorry, I am sorry...about what I don't know. I need a hug from someone who understands me...and it honestly feels like I am the only person going through this. When I have been told plenty of times that I'm not. It doesn't sink in, nothing sinks in. My best friends would tell me that she loves me, almost everyday last year...but I always had a thought in the back of my head that she had some kind of reservation about it. Like she was talking about me behind her back and really hates me.
The only thing on this planet that I really hate is this. Frustration, ARGHHHHHHH \:\(
Thanks for listening.
goodnight


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#41557 - 05/19/01 09:21 AM Re: growing frustration
fmighell Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/01
Posts: 276
Loc: Anchorage,Alaska
\:\) hang lose
You just made a change, it can be stressful just changing and remembering things, you might have grown up at were you are at now, what you call home and makes for memorys of childhood to remember easy'er.

Find something that you like to do, for me I like to swim, I would go to the resavior, or a swimming pool and swim.

I used to cry my self to sleep thinking when will I ever grow up and do the things I want to, enstaide of taking care of every thing that my parents should.

Before I knew it, years had pass, and I'm doing the things I want to, too, with a little diffeculty, but that it isn't much different then before, when I thought it was a trap.

Are you in Chicago still?

fmighell Anc Ak \:\)


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#41558 - 05/19/01 05:07 PM Re: growing frustration
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Scooter,

When i was 19 i was in almost exactly the same place your taking about, i was stuck in bed, freaking out all the time, the very best part of everyday for me was that split second when i would first wake up, i would feel really good, and then in an instant i would remember and the anxiety would start, i was in hell.

One thing that kinda helped me some was realizing that i needed to start treating myself like i was worthy of being cared about and loved before i felt that way, it was a long road too, lots of meds and docs appointments, anyways, i remember the first thing i did for myself was that one day i just promised myself that no matter what i would get up at some point and take a shower and get dressed and go outside, even if it was just for a few seconds, i made myself do it, and i kept doing it every day that i could, eventually i started coming out of it and things started getting better, if your where i was at 19, well, my heart goes out to you big time, its pretty sucky.

safe hugs to you, if thats ok, [john] safe hugs scooter

Hang in there and just take it in little bits, you just got to make it through this stuff, there is good things out there for you, i know there is

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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