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#415497 - 11/06/12 02:04 PM The Judge Inside of Us
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
More than once, I have heard people say that they did not believe another member's story. Some say "mine is worse than yours" even. My T taught me that it is not a competition of any kind. One act of abuse, or dozens...it is all wrong. I spent to much time (before seeking help) playing the game of telling myself...who am I to complain when someone else's life is worse?

My T (therapist) has shown me that is wrong thinking. Abuse programs us in to many bad ways, and that thinking was my own rejection of myself, thanks to "them". I don't believe it any more either. Here we need to support each other. We don't need more doubt or rejection as so many of us have gotten that in our lives. I am finding help here, and still making mistakes in life too, but I am moving forward. But the people who set up this site intended it to be a safe place, and a place to find support and healing too. Rejecting anyone's story does not contribute to either their healing or our own. Our anger needs to be directed at those who hurt us and not at other survivors.

I am so grateful for this site! smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#415498 - 11/06/12 02:21 PM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3566
Loc: South-East Europe
Thank Buff for bringing this topic.
I've found that some guys were nasty and bulling some new members in chat room.
Guys if you are triggered and full with rage please try not to take it out on other people but rather find some other way to relief anxiety.
Above other things we have specific guidelines here(for chat and general) made with aim to make MS safe place for healing and recovery. Please read it one more time and try to follow it as much as possible.
I like couple of first sentences of site use guidelines:
"First and foremost, adults (age 18 and up) who use the MS website must realize that this is a place that wishes to promote healing and not chaos. It is not a substitute for therapy and should not be used as a place to vent unprocessed emotions without regard to the effect doing so would have on others. It is a place where questions can be asked and stories shared for the benefit of all rather than reactions that serve to confuse, scare and rob the site of its safety."

Let's give support to each other rather than to behave in abusive way, it is shame if abuser in us is victorious.
Be well!

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#415503 - 11/06/12 02:37 PM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 621
Loc: Southeast USA
Agreed. I haven't been here long, but at times I feel like my story doesn't rate. No one on here has ever said or hinted that---it's just that in comparison to others my abuse was very real, but short lived. It was still bad enough to send me here years later with all kinds of crap I stored away in the meantime.

Will
_________________________
You take a walk and you try to understand
Nothing can hurt you
Unless you want it to... R.E.M./Pylon "Crazy"


My Story: Cruel Summer

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#415519 - 11/06/12 04:32 PM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1432
All csa is horrific so you belong here. No matter frequency it hurts and destroys the child. The abuse effects each differently and one's abuse is never the same as another child and cannot nor should they be compared. You deserve to heal

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#415520 - 11/06/12 05:08 PM * [Re: BuffaloCO]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 12:54 PM)

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#415523 - 11/06/12 05:55 PM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Interesting this topic comes up and I even asked my T about it. As upsetting as the past several months have been - mygawd what an awful ride - things have calmed down. I'd just written to another MS member the other day I actually felt guilty that my life has gradually been returning to normal, even improving. I've been able to concentrate on my work again without the constant turmoi.

Screw comparisons. Each of us is where we are.

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#415525 - 11/06/12 06:22 PM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3198
Loc: back in the USA
i'm with you on this one, too, Lancer. sometimes i'm reluctant or hesitant to share good news & positive stuff because i'm afraid it will make others feel worse.

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#415533 - 11/06/12 09:07 PM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
When I hear that someone is moving forward, of feels like they are healed, it gives me hope. I'd say never deny anyone hope, as it may be all they have left.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#415563 - 11/07/12 07:29 AM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 621
Loc: Southeast USA
Seeing healing in others is helpful and hopeful, not hurtful.
_________________________
You take a walk and you try to understand
Nothing can hurt you
Unless you want it to... R.E.M./Pylon "Crazy"


My Story: Cruel Summer

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#415578 - 11/07/12 09:24 AM Re: The Judge Inside of Us [Re: BuffaloCO]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1432
I agree seeing healing helps me know it is possible. There are many healing stories but at the same time we all have stories of falling back. Healing stories give inspiration to move forward.

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