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#415361 - 11/05/12 02:05 AM Re: DH just told me last night. Where to begin? [Re: Shockedwife2012]
angiec Offline


Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 21
.


Edited by angiec (12/05/12 02:25 PM)

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#415430 - 11/05/12 07:43 PM Re: DH just told me last night. Where to begin? [Re: Shockedwife2012]
RunningOnEmpty Offline


Registered: 10/07/12
Posts: 91
Loc: georgia
Amen Angie.

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#415472 - 11/06/12 08:05 AM Re: DH just told me last night. Where to begin? [Re: Shockedwife2012]
ConcernedGF Offline


Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 2
Wow.. I am so happy I stumbled upon this forum! I am a female dating a male survivor of sexual abuse from a male family member. My BF told me the first night we met that he was molested. He said he hadn't told anyone before but felt very comfortable with me. He is FABULOUS, amazing, the best BF a girl can have... but there are sexual issues and I don't feel that he is a very deep emotional person. He has carried this burden on his shoulders alone for 26 yrs. He sees his abuser on a regular basis and they act as though nothing ever happened. It tears my heart apart. I feel he needs to see a counselor before we can move on. He has never dealt with this, just buried it deep down and actually has convinced himself its no big deal. He has never told anyone but me and says he doesn't trust anyone but me to talk about it with smirk I am trying to help him, but I am not a licensed therapist and cannot take this burden upon my own shoulders. How can I convince him to see a professional?? How much do I push him to talk? If it were up to him, he would NEVER bring it up, but I am not okay with knowing what I know and not seeing him deal with it.. I cannot move on with him if it is not addressed. The other issue is that the abuser has two small sons of his own now and I worry about them.. I feel my BF has an obligation to those two boys to, if anything at all, confront his abuser, let him know he remembers what he did and that he will do whatever needed to protect those kids.
I am calling TODAY to make a therapy appointment of my own.
Any help or ideas on what to do would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you and good luck to you all in your own ventures.

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#415727 - 11/08/12 08:18 PM Re: DH just told me last night. Where to begin? [Re: ConcernedGF]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
Originally Posted By: ConcernedGF
...He has never dealt with this, just buried it deep down and actually has convinced himself its no big deal. He has never told anyone but me and says he doesn't trust anyone but me to talk about it with ...


It might be that he doesn't know how it has affected him and because of this doesn't think it's a big deal. I felt the same way. But as things were starting to fall apart on me I had to examine why. I knew that CSA had an effect on me but I thought it was a minimal one. But I got some books from the library anyway. The more I read the more I could tie the way I am to my CSA and other abuse factors.

You might want to get a couple of books on the subject in order to understand it better. And maybe your BF might pick up the book and discover that it is a bigger deal than he thought and might decide to get some help.


Edited by Candu (11/08/12 08:19 PM)

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#415731 - 11/08/12 08:36 PM Re: DH just told me last night. Where to begin? [Re: Shockedwife2012]
CdnDW Offline


Registered: 08/24/12
Posts: 105
Anyone else wish there was a "Like" button for other's posts?? I like your post Candu!
_________________________
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave

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#415996 - 11/12/12 01:40 AM Re: DH just told me last night. Where to begin? [Re: Shockedwife2012]
ConcernedGF Offline


Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 2
Ok! Thank you!! I am seeing a therapist this week mainly for myself and my own life issues, however, this therapist is a male survivor that specializes in sexual abuse victims... I am hoping he may also be able to give me some guidance on how to get my BF to open up more. The discouraging thing is that he told me just yesterday that he really does not think he will ever "deal" with it.. he truly believes he is "fine" frown
I am curious if there are many survivors that face their abusers on a regular basis.... I am sure that my BF has Stockholm's towards his brother, he just wants to protect him and believes that he is the only victim of his brothers....
One last thing... this is a big one that is greatly weighing on me... His brother (that raped my BF for a year when he was a teen) is a father of two small boys and also a Boy Scout Leader!! What do I do with all of this information that no one else knows?!?! DO I need to DO anything? HELP please....

BTW... What does CSA stand for?

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