since no one else has jumped in here, and i don't want you to feel ignored, i'll kick this off...
first, welcome, Green Pumpkin! i hope you'll find the answers you seek here.
unfortunately, i can't supply the answer to this one. i never disclosed anything to anyone untill it was far too late.
however - there are threads about disclosure that i'm sure you would find helpful. do a search and see what you find in both the Male Survivor forum and maybe the Friends and Family. maybe some of the guys who have more personal experience can chip in with some good guidance??? For a start, here is an article that may help:http://malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html
i would encourage you to read about it and think it through thoroughly before taking action. AND - i do share your concern and think it is important to intervene for the sake of the kids. AND - it may also give you some unexpected benefits in your own progress. But there could also be some family conflict that arises.
in the meantime, don't be shy about joining in here. you are among friends.
Wishing you well,