My name is Patrick and I am glad I have found this space. I was sexually abused by my cousin and then uncle from age 8 until 12 years old, not continuously, but several times. I contemplated suicide many times but never followed through. As I grew up, I learned to hide my feelings and lied to make it through and to medicate myself through pornography. I joined a spiritually abusive church in Pennsylvania trying to become "straight" as I was identifying myself as gay. I did that for 10 years until the leadership grew tired of my not becoming healed and they disfellowshipped me. I moved back to Tennessee and enrolled in college and for a few years did very well. This past March, I lost my job and my world came crashing in around me. I went very deep into pornography and self gratification and have experienced deep depression. I am now
working on eradicating the porn from my life, which is not easy, an am going to a less strict church. I look forward to walking and learning through these forums. Glad to meet you all.

Welcome Patrick; best wishes in your job-hunting..... we all some revenues, whether they be financial, material, spiritual or physical. Be compassionate and patient with yourself; you are on the right track indeed!!

Sorry to hear your story but glad you are here.

Thanks for you introduction, Patrick. Quite a few of us have had struggles around religious/spiritual issues, CSA, % our current sex life and life challenges. People here can relate to your experiences.

Hi Patrick,
It is very hard for people like us who were abused by people of the same gender. This sort of experience make us question our sexual identity and preference at an age when we were most vulnerable, hence, leaving lasting adversarial effects on ourselves. I, too, was molested by my own father when I was about 7 or 8 years old, and have been dealing with triggers and flashbacks most of my life. I am now 55 yrs old, married with 2 children. My oldest son is in college and my baby girl is a sophomore in high school. One major consolation for me is whenever I look at my 2 kids, I see purity, cleanliness, innocence, and what goodness life should be for those of us who are blessed.
Please be patient with yourself and your daily efforts to stay well. My thoughts are with you.

Patrick!

I relate so deeply, my friend. I'm very glad that you are beginning to look at healing from these wounds, here. I definitely looking for some community around my abuse and survivorship. Or just to chat. Hope to see you around.

Mike