My least favorite section of this forum only because of how I felt at the time I used to frequent this section.

Hey you. Yeah all you guys.
It's okay to be confused.
It's okay to be afraid.
We don't need a label.
Even if certain thoughts or intrusive feelings come up, its usually only for a short while and we all know who we are deep down. We all have that godly strength within us that were all too scared to show.There's no shame in expressing love.
The real work lies in salvaging our hearts and our love (which is.part of our manhood)and dissecting it from the perversion and abuse we were so mercilessly injected with.
I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for me. I really am. I can't help but feel overwhelming sorrow at all the betrayal and pain we have all suffered. but I know that recovery is possible.
I can feel it beating in my chest.
Every one of us has that courage beating within us. It is innate to all men. Noone can take it from us because it is our birthright.

John Wayne once said that courage is being afraid but saddling up anyways.

Hey Henri !
yes it is alright to be confused but I must add that is very tiring , I don't know how to jump off form carousel, it seems like always new ride is around corner.
I'm sorry for all of us too, let's have some hope and let's do something to get peace back to our hearts.


Pero

So Henry - what is exactly your shame that you are talking so much about?

Pero - you have to sometime jump off from the cliff.

Hey my beloved brother, good to see you here
I would like to jump from cliff but I can't, I've been struggling a lot with walls that I've been raised, some of them are made of shame nothing more, it seems like very solid material

Pero

Dear pero,
when I felt big shame I realized that is not real shame at all (which we all learn from early age as a feeling and which has its role in development of our behavior) but more compulsive, neurotic, anxious feelings related not only to my experiences but also to some degree to my personality (shy, more reserved, sensible etc…).
In other words it was clear to me that I am overblowing it and have negative emotions that are way, way out of proportions and reality.

So you can built your walls as much as you can – but they are still completely ineffective since you can not hide from yourself no matter what.

Next step for me was to clarify which sex is more attractive to me on arousal erotic level – I looked only for facts without any emotions (I pretend to be doctor to myself lol).

That is how I started to find my long way with many ups and downs that came later and journey is far from over...

So, if you really want to find what is your sexual identity it is not so difficult to clear the mess as a starting point as long as you are ready to accept whichever consequence might follow investigation and start to move.

Pero -
you scared me!
when you mentioned wanting to "jump from cliff" - i thought you meant it more literally - and was VERY worried for you.
then i read the thread to get more context and realized it was a metaphor.
i am so relieved.
if you EVER feel even semi-desperate - or just a little in need of a friend - i am here for you - as you have been for me so many times.
don't forget that!
Lee

Hey Lee, my dear friend,
should I say please don't be afraid ?
You are so good man, thanks for being so supportive and caring, I appreciate your words a lot (well your words brought even some tears to my eyes ).
Thanks man!

Pero

Ivo

some of the most succinct and wisest words i have read in a long while. You hit the nail on the head. Ready to accept.
So with the SSA = what does it really mean? Do the work, find out, accept it accept it accept it. Then... jump off the cliff regardless of what the direction, cuz once you understand and accept the inner truth whatever it is, the landing will be exactly where you are supposed to be. Then the "can't" can come out of your vocabulary.

Well said and well done

everyone needs to read that response, perhaps you can post it in the main malesurvivor forum thread.
thanks

Hey bro,
off course that I can't hide from myself. I admire your courage and what you did, I guess at some point I would need it also.
Obviously I have huge halt in my development particularly relating to sexuality and I'll need to work trouhg it.
Off course that I'm not sure who I'm at the moment. Relationship with men is unthinkable for me, no matter on my fantasies, I can't imagine to be romantically involved with some.
Women? Well it is almost the same.
To be honest in real life I'll escape any possibility to become sexual with any person no matter on gender. In my fantasy world I'm more into men, but in reality I'm not into anyone.

I'm starting relationship with great girl currently, and even I've been dying to kiss her during our second date and even she is more than ready for it I just couldn't do it. When we are talking about walls, my are immense. Thinking to become intimate with her makes me terrible scared. In my past I needed some very aggressive girl who brought me to sharing intimacy with her and I was like frozen all times.

To try something with men I guess I would need to be on drugs or something...

Anyway in real life I'm never aroused or feeling anything sexual toward any person, maybe couple times I was (by some girls) and that is all, I can even remember when it happened.
I've read about sexual mapping and I know that I'll need to do it, that is the thing that you Ivo did.
I'm happy that you resolved your knot, I guess I'll need some more time for my.

Pero

Brother you should be careful. With your mental blockade I am not sure that is smart to start with anyone any relationship. Other people might fell on you and you will hurt them at the end because of it – so be careful what you are doing.
And regarding blockade, do not expect that it will go just like that no matter what you do or wish.
Mine is there even if I am under alcohol or medicines, lol nothing works that is how solid is to be correct but still I was able to break it through at least on some degree and I feel great, almost completely free. If you want we can switch to private, when you are ready I think that I might have some advices for you… so please take your time, think a lot and hit me when you have more courage.