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#414732 - 10/30/12 11:09 AM I'm finally talking
Suwanee Offline
Chat Moderator

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1075
Loc: Southeast USA
With all of the news coverage of Sandusky and the Scout files-plus a local case, I became angry and irritated for no apparent reason (at least to my wife and employees). I had trouble sleeping and several times I almost woke up my wife in the middle of the night to tell her what was on my mind.

She is very perceptive and told me she began to suspect something might have happened to me when I was a kid after I made a number of comments about the Boy Scouts and made mention of a former neighbor. I finally opened up to her and told her(almost) everything I could remember and what I was feeling. I was shocked at how something that happened to me 25 years ago came rushing to the forefront of my thoughts. The memories were always there and I never told anyone what happened until two weeks ago.

There was a strong sense of denial at play. I grew up in a happy, upper-middle class family with two loving parents. Still, it happened. At age 11, it was a neighbor (a friend's stepdad); at age 13 it was an older teen at summer camp(camp counselor). There, I said it.

#414737 - 10/30/12 11:51 AM Re: I'm finally talking [Re: Suwanee]
thedudeabides Offline

Registered: 10/09/12
Posts: 30
Loc: Augusta, Georgia
Hi Suwanee and welcome to MaleSurvivor,

Your story sounds almost identical to mine. Unfortunately you'll find a lot of that here. Look around, read the stories and ask questions. Everyone is eager to help as best they can to guide you through this tough time. I've only been here a few weeks myself but many have encouraged me as they will you also. Here you'll find people of all different walks of life, nationalities, lifestyles, ages, etc. But all of that amounts to precisely nothing when you add our common experience into the equation. Yeah, I guess it sucks to be us sometimes but at least we're not alone in this anymore--just finding this site where people understand what we've been through has been more helpful to me than anything in the 40+ years since my CSA occurred. I hope the same proves to be true for you.

I don't ask for much, I only want trust,
and you know it don't come easy.
Ringo Starr

They flutter behind you, your possible pasts;
Some bright-eyed and crazy, some frightened and lost...
And strung out behind us the banners and flags
of our possible pasts lie in tatters and rags.
Roger Waters

#414797 - 10/30/12 08:46 PM Re: I'm finally talking [Re: Suwanee]
kcinohio Offline

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 481
Loc: Ohio
Thanks for sharing about your experience Suwanee. Hope you are able to find some healing here, too.

#416104 - 11/13/12 08:45 AM Re: I'm finally talking [Re: Suwanee]
JayBro Offline

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 316
Loc: Germany
Thank you for sharing your experience Suwanee. Last year, as I was coming to terms with my own abuse, the news had plenty of stories of men getting busted for abuse or child porn (which really bothers me as a victim of it), and the Sandusky news being everywhere also triggered me. You are very brave. I am proud of you for taking these steps
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

#416109 - 11/13/12 10:06 AM Re: I'm finally talking [Re: Suwanee]
cosmos Offline

Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 191
Loc: Puget Sound
Suwanee sounds a lot like me except it was just a typical mid-life crisis until I started looking at my childhood; everything started coming back, the abuse, the family’s denial and even retribution by my father for blaming his god for what happened to me! 40+ years of silence; but no more!

Good Luck!!!
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine


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