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#414458 - 10/27/12 11:38 AM What if your Mom knew?
DarkHadou Offline


Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 117
this is a question to those who were sexually abused by their fathers and whose mothers were shocked when revealed this secret. Now, what if she knew all of that time when it was happening but didn't do anything? What if she was in it the whole time, while your father and your mother were having sex they would talk about your abuse?

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#414479 - 10/27/12 05:54 PM Re: What if your Mom knew? [Re: DarkHadou]
Vadrian Offline


Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific
My mother did know, that I was sexually abused by my father and brother; she sometimes participated in it herself or sexually abused me on her own. Generally, the mother does bare responsibility. There are signs she ignores, and there is something in her past that she has not dealt with that causes blindspots to form when she chooses her partners. The tired cliche that the non-offending parent is innocent (when she may have in fact physically and emotionally abused her kids besides just neglecting them) needs to be broken.

In your scenario, then the mother is also a criminal and should be cut out of your life and prosecuted if possible.

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#414483 - 10/27/12 09:09 PM Re: What if your Mom knew? [Re: DarkHadou]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
my mom knew of the verbal, emotional and physical abuse, for sure. and i don't see how she could have missed the s*xual abuse. she was present at least once when it was going on. i think that she must have rationalized it away or denied it ever happened. she was good at not facing reality.

i consider her a co-conspirator, an accomplice, an accessory, a collaborator - and hold her as equally accountable and guilty with the primary perp - her husband and the step-father that was forced upon me. from the time i realized that she was not going to help me - i never trusted her again.

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#414530 - 10/28/12 05:17 AM Re: What if your Mom knew? [Re: DarkHadou]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
i consider myself an orphan - lost my father when i was 3 and he died. lost my mom when i was 5 1/2 and she re-married.
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#414608 - 10/29/12 04:01 AM Re: What if your Mom knew? [Re: DarkHadou]
crazy gecko Offline


Registered: 10/04/12
Posts: 309
My mother claims that she didn't know, but the fact is I told her several times. And then she walked out.

I usually tell people she died when I was 11. That is when she walked out.

The truth is actually that I never had a mother. There was just this woman who happened to have given birth to me...
_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

My Story, Part 2

My blog

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#414721 - 10/30/12 07:49 AM Re: What if your Mom knew? [Re: DarkHadou]
Blessedcurse Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 93
My mother claims she didn't know but I remember telling her various times. She would be angry about something else (like starting to yell at me for not doing the dishes or whatever) or she just walked away or changed the subject. She did not participate though. She abused me emotionally and on some rare occations physically though she did not seem to remember the physical abuse minutes after it occured.

I concidder her a perpetrator and I don't want her in my life. I'm sure she had no intention to have an abused child but the fact is she made it impossible for me to defend myself and to get away. It would have been better if she wasn't there. And now when I'm an adult and have told her she sais she believes me (after having thought about it for say four years and in that time given me no support what so ever). Still she lives with the perp and still she gives me no support. So no. She's not innocent.

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