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#460715 - 02/14/14 10:22 AM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
One of my favorite Christian Rock songs by Tenth Avenue North is called "Loosing" and here are the lyrics.

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong
Don't they know it's wrong
Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love or this is hate.
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love or this is hate.
We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

Why do we think that our hate's gonna break a hard heart
We're rippin' arms over wars that don't need to be fought
Cause pride wont let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but it's just to burn them down
We think painful apologies and then it will stop
Truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

[X2]
Oh Father won't you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losing

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5J7vis9GV8

Some people will never get this song. They feel entitled to make broad bush sweeps of hate as an entitlement for perceived wrongs from a whole group. Funny thing is, they are doing exactly what they accuse others of doing. For people who tell me "I got hurt by church people so all church people are bad" I have one answer. Jesus was hurt badly by church people too.
_________________________
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

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#460742 - 02/14/14 05:37 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3321
Loc: O Kanada
amen, buffaloCo.

i really began living,
when i started forgiving.
it was THE pivotal point in my recovery.
disclosure was only the beginning of honesty.
breaking the silence did not end the violence.

to lose the guilt and hate and fear and pain and blame and shame,
to jehovah, i pray for patience, peace and power in jesus' name.
i received strength for the struggle,
bravery for the battle,
faith for the fight,
courage for the combat,
wisdom for the war.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460748 - 02/14/14 07:01 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks Victor,

I like these lines the best. Means more then anything our freedom does not rely on anything they do or don't do.

We think painful apologies and then it will stop.
Truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not.
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!

Am glad 2 I can keep in touch with people in this discussion. I can't do the arguments any more in the other items, much as I want to, and for now feels safe here at least 2 trade thoughts.

Tuesday, I get to start the new job, so won't be around as much but it's a blessing! Thanks for all of the kind thoughts and prayers everyone.
_________________________
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

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#460751 - 02/14/14 10:42 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3321
Loc: O Kanada
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460752 - 02/14/14 10:45 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3321
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Thanks Victor,

Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound of Your mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down!


amen to that.

speaking of FREEDOM:

Jesus said, If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8:31

I will always obey your law,
for ever and ever.
I will walk about in freedom,
for I have sought out your precepts.

Psalm 119:44

For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice,
but by the will of the one who subjected it,
in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay
and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

Romans 8:20

Now the Lord is the Spirit,
and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

I have the right to do anything, you saybut not everything is beneficial.
I have the right to do anythingbut not everything is constructive.

1 Corinthians 10:23

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free.
But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh;
rather, serve one another humbly in love.

Galatians 5:13


good-bye, god bless, and good luck on your new job.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#461135 - 02/19/14 10:15 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Wow, 2 days on the new job and I discovered something awesome. They like me, for me, who I am for real now. Last night at church fellowship group, a friend told me it's because my freedom created a new me, confident now in Christ and not afraid of that people are out to just use me like before. Doesn't mean I see myself as perfect, no way, because I still make mistakes in trying to deal with people. Am still a work in progress but there is progress.

Now though, people either like me or don't like me for the person I really am inside, and I hope they can see the person I am trying to become too. smile
_________________________
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

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#461144 - 02/19/14 11:26 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3321
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Am still a work in progress but there is progress.

Now though, people either like me or don't like me for the person I really am inside, and I hope they can see the person I am trying to become too. smile


this is beautiful and meaningful to me.
thanks for the update and some good news.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#462486 - 03/12/14 09:56 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
Thanks for all your good words too Victor. Things have gotten weird but I think it's just the enemy trying new tricks. I like the job and they like me too, but I think I thought that getting a job would solve all of my problems inside. Found out that's not true, welcome to the real world.

So now, new stuff coming up, yuck, and the enemy is telling me I'm just a one track CD, no other songs there, all about my story and nothing more. When I hear that, I have to remind myself I'm a lot more. Yeah my story is part of who I am, can't change that. Yeah, I've testified and will do it again too. Yeah I still have work to do. All true, but my pastor said we have to play the hand we're dealt. It's what we do with it from this point forward that matters.

I know too that I have gifts they could not take like I can write, my new employer likes me, people at church like me, I'm good at speaking in public and customer service, and I'm safe in all of those places I hang out now. So the new challenges have me kind of down, but even though I'm down I'm not done. Just have to remember where I was and where I am now. There, that worked too smile
_________________________
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

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#462487 - 03/12/14 11:26 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3321
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: BuffaloCO
Even though I'm down I'm not done. Just have to remember where I was and where I am now. There, that worked too smile


works for me too.
great words.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#464088 - 04/14/14 08:40 PM Re: Finding Strength through Faith - Triggers [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
This is what I posted in my intro, but I added something at the end too.

Time to Leave

This is not my last post, but this is a major update for me. I have done everything I can here and its time now for me to log off line, and log into real life. I came here almost two years ago broken, scared and totally not knowing what to do next. Back then I just saw me is the left over shell of something used and tossed aside. I dont anymore. Since that time I started again with a good counselor but had to stop because I ran out of money. Now that I finally got a job, I can get back. I still have stuff to work on, face and get through but I can do that now. Since being here Ive pushed through a lot as you can tell reading this thread. I faced down memories I didnt want to deal with but as my T said, face them to stomp them! We did. Ive broken some addictions and they wont come back. I dont have nightmares anymore and Im learning to deal with flashbacks. Mostly, I feel like I can finally finish growing up inside now.

Some people here have helped me a lot, some have challenged me, some people here dont like me but I know now it doesnt matter if people like me or not, I like me now and so do many other people. Im glad for it all, and I dont leave with bad feelings toward anyone. If I offended you, Im sorry and I hope you can accept that.

I am not who I was when I came here and Ive accepted what happened. For me now, abuse is something I went through but it does not define who I am. Actually, I learned it never did define me, not once not ever. Believing that growing up was just buying into another lie of the predators, and they have no hold on who I see myself as now.

So thank you to my friends here, those who have helped me a lot. For those who might still be angry at me, Im sorry that my own struggle to find healing didnt always come out in the best way. We are still human. All I can say is that we have different stories but shared hurts. So I will try to learn from my mistakes and try not to make the same ones again. I know my path to healing through my faith also bothers some people because so-called believers hurt them, and I totally understand that too. There are different paths to healing, and this one works for me. If anyone wants to know more about that side of me I tried to keep it to my thread in the Spirituality section in my post called Finding Strength through Faith. I know others have found healing other ways and I accept that but I dont apologize for my path either.

Ill check in once in a while and maybe post an update or two. I dont know how often but again I want to thank people here who helped me get to where I am now. I feel safe, new and growing again. All of that is something Im still getting used to, but I will keep going. My hope for everyone here is that they can find the same things, and that someday this site wont be needed anymore. I have even spoken in public now about what happened to me, as its my way of trying to get people to understand that yeah it does happen to boys, it is not good, and it is not something we can just ignore any longer. Anyway, I really appreciate what people have done for me here. I started this by saying I was trying to start. I did that, now its time for me to take the next big step and move forward to whatever comes next in real life.

For my friends here I add this scripture. Psalm 91, 14 16: 14 Because he loves me, says the LORD, I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.
_________________________
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

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