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#439512 - 06/29/13 09:56 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 645
Loc: michigan
hey buff
I was re reading this whole thread this morning cause I felt like I wasn't up to speed with it. I hope that you are feeling better even now. I was thinking about the anger thing, in reading I thing maybe I came to understand that anger is not all bad. you certainly do have the right to be angry but I think maybe we have a need to be angry as well. I was so angry all my life and it was way too much but it did serve to protect. that same hot wheels track we both see as a weapon makes me feel very different because it was never right,NEVER. That abuse robbed us of a voice that may have prevented the further abuse had we had it. and the same with interactions now. I have the same trust issues. but there is wisdom in that. our lives were changed and until we are better able to decern motivations, I think it is a good thing to be cautious and I am not sure that is so unusual it is likely that the untouched do exactly the same thing only to them if feels natural.trusting too much is just as dangerous and not trusting enough which is where I still am. just know that as you sort this for yourself I am here and others as well. the words may sound hollow at this point but I offer them anyway. you are a good strong man buff. You will get past this and are doing it even now no matter how it may feel.
be well my friend
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#439544 - 06/29/13 07:15 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
Thanks NG, your words are never hollow and I'll get through whatever this is too. smile
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#441181 - 07/17/13 04:17 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
wavvver Offline


Registered: 04/05/12
Posts: 4
Loc: peterborough,on ,canada
thanx again buffalo. Iam new 2 the site and my story is about the same as yours. I was abused at the young age of 9 until I was 13.all of the above physically, sexually and verbally as well emotionally. It really sucks somedays, I mean really sucks. But u know I have been in counselling 4 two years, and let me tell u it does get better, it will fade the pain. I get it and it will, the pain will lessen. It seems like a strange and weird journey, but it is yours to live love and laugh at and with.

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#441400 - 07/19/13 06:10 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 2972
Loc: O Kanada
this thread is amazing.

i feel like i just went through everything you went through, buffaloCO, only on fast forward.

lots of resonance.

i get called "anger man", "psycho", "rage-aholic", "control freak", "power tripper".
but i don't see myself that way.

i have a bad reputation based on past behavior,
the reputation is harder to get rid of than the behaviour.

i am not angry all the time, but i can blow up.
i even wrote a poem about it.
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5609#Post435609

i don't respond nicely to threats.
i have had to learn how to distinguish the difference between a genuine threat and a perceived threat.
i have had to learn how to prepare a proper response as opposed to my programmed reaction.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441425 - 07/19/13 10:28 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
Thanks VV. I'm amazed at how many people have read this. Don't see myself as extraordinary or that different from a lot of people here. Just want to get to healed as I'm already free from believing the lies. Seems like healing is a step by step process, and often feels like I'm doing it in the dark, and you have to put your foot out into darkness each step of the way and hope you find the next stone. The only thing that gives me courage to put my foot out into the darkness is my Faith. It has gotten me this far and this is a lot better place for me then the one I was stuck in before.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#441430 - 07/19/13 11:20 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 2972
Loc: O Kanada
i hear you.

you know how they say...
courage is not the absence of fear,
courage is the strength to act properly in the face of fear.

i believe...
faith is not the absence of doubt,
faith is the power to stay positive in spite of doubt.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441466 - 07/20/13 12:19 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
Jak Offline


Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 5
Hello BuffaloCO, good introduction. I was never attacked or abused in that way so I am sorry that so many have this same story as you. It does seem society in and families in general know this stuff goes on and yet they just want to turn a blind eye. Another thing I don't get is why we the abused end up acting just like our abusers. I mean doesn't it seem like we would want to be anything but like them? Very quirky aspect of human nature.
But anyway welcome and good to have you here I hope you can find hope and peace and safety. And some people to share your load with.

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#441468 - 07/20/13 12:22 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: victor-victim]
Jak Offline


Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 5
That is good victor thanks for sharing that about fear and faith. As I struggle a lot with doubt and unbelief and fear which usually tags along with doubt and unbelief. cool

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#441474 - 07/20/13 01:38 PM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
Least I can say that is one thing that does not hit me, acting like them. Inside I can't imagine treating a kid, or anyone, like that...just an object. It is not part of who I am or was before even, and I can be happy for that much.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#441563 - 07/21/13 01:19 AM Re: Trying to Start [Re: BuffaloCO]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 264
Loc: PA
I couldn't hurt anyone either. I think I'm over sensitive to not hurting people as a result of the abuse.

Buff - everyone reads this because it's like watching a new person being born.

I am so rooting for your recovery dude!

I totally get the trust thing. I've had no friends for decades - to painful. They awesome now, but not enough of them yet.

Hope I don't sound "too nice".

You are an inspiration. Please keep going!
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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