I came here because there are things I want to do but just can't, things I want to feel but just can t feel. Im tired of having people around me and still feeling alone.

I spent some time as a kid living with other families. Mothers shouldn't leave their kids with other people. The first lady to have sex with me I don't know. The others where older cousins. The last tried to make child porn. I feel sorry for the other girl, she cried quite a bit. I was experienced by then and knew what was expected of me.

I was smart in school, tall and handsome on the outside, quite popular although I never spoke. I felt nothing on the inside. Now I'm just tired of being in my head alone all the time. I can't sit here with this junk by myself anymore. I want to clear it out. I want to learn. I want to be able to speak. I want to learn to trust. I want to lust for somebody I love. I want eventually feel like I'm worth something.

I look forward to sharing my story with everyone and hearing other people's stories and progress.

Thanks

Poe

Welcome Poe,

You have come to a place where you can learn from other men's stories and share your own without judgement. Starting to reach out as you have is a big step that takes alot og courage. Just from the little you've shared so far I can see many similarities to the feelings I and many others have experienced.

Read as much as you can handle in one sitting. Don't try to do too much at once, it can be overwhelming. And post more of your own story and experience as you feel comfortable doing so.

Healing from CSA isn't an easy road, and there can be alot of pain before you see daylight. But as you've said already, you have the opportunity to live the remainder of your life as a whole healthy man. Run with it. You ARE worth it.

Jude

Hi, my fraternal brother, Poe.

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding & hope, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries. We will help in your fears & share in your tears.

Be prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. Looks like you are on board already.

Hope you can find a competent therapist. There are numerous healing books out there to help you. Here in MS we have healing circles (HC) on Sunday & Wednesday evenings. These public forums. There is chat, PM's private messages & you also have private chat. So take a look around, when your comfortable we're here for you.

Wishing you well in healing, my fraternal brother, Poe. You are on your way.

"I will take that lost boys hand & I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

Thanks for your introduction. You're in the right place (this site) for exloring these things.