I am from New Zealand, and a survivor or childhood sexual abuse from the age of about 5 - 8 years old.

This has affected my life in a very real way. I often feel like a useless person who has no purpose. I also feel withdrawn, and overly sensitive. These are all strange feelings considering I have a lovely wife and a young child.

I battle with many feelings which affect my relationships and life and in the past have been suicidal but never in a way where I was close to acting on it.

Sometimes I feel like I am close to dealing with this problem and healing, but other times the feelings come back and I feel like I have taken a step backward.

My wife is very understanding and hopefully time will heal with the help of a community such as this.

Hi Peter, welcome to the site though I am sorry you have to be here. I am somewhat new too, and new at starting the T (therapy) process. There are a lot of good resources here, and a lot of good people too. My abuse started young too, and right now Im reaching a new level in my T process that I struggle with, because I don't understand a lot. People here have helped me all along the way, and are helping me to understand where I am at now. I also considered the option to end it, but like you I never got close. We all have different stories, but a lot of the same kinds of hurts inside. I hope you are able to connect here and find support. You are with friends, even though we are spread out over the world. Please feel free to send me a message if you have questions or just want to make a friend.

Welcome Peter! Where ever you are in your recovery process, you will find others here who are experiencing similar struggles, understanding, and hope. The greatest gifts that MS has to offer are that you are really not alone, and that there is hope for a future as a whole healthy man. Run with it.

Jude

Welcome peter,
Apart from being in New Zealand and having a small child your letter could be mine. You have come to the right place. I've only been here a short time but being able to talk about this with others who have experienced it has been great. You hang in there. Apparently it really DOES get better

Hi, my fraternal brother from "Down Under," Peter.

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding & hope, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries. We will help in your fears & share in your tears.

Be prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. I see that you are already on board. Hang on for dear life.

I am glad that you have a understanding & loving wife, along with a child.

There are many resources available here in MS for you. Private messages, here in the public forums & chat. We also have Healing Circles, invitation only, in a safe room & moderated. Look around whenever you are comfortable. We are here for you 24/7/365, you'll always find a fraternal brother willing to help you.

Peter, my New Zealand, fraternal brother I wish you well in healing. You are on your way.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.