Im dissociated with what happened to me. I've created two of myself, me when I was four and my present self. Whenever I look back on those moments its like it's happening to some kid and not me. In order to heal I need to connect with that four year old boy. Today I did. I broke down and cried because I felt that four year old hurting, then I realized that four year isn't hurting. It's me, I am the one hurting that little boy is me. It was bitter sweet but if it helps me heal then the sweetness more than makes up for the bitterness