Newest Members
BusterJones, Desperateforhelp, aniceguy, Green_Lantern, Safe11ride
12121 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
betterdays (29), ChevyMan76 (46), cuda (48), swartzhund (42), wdf9 (70)
Who's Online
2 registered (Jay1946, 1 invisible), 59 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12121 Members
73 Forums
62520 Topics
438129 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#413790 - 10/21/12 02:30 AM What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds?
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds?

He helped me identify my abuser's voice in my head. I thought it was God and it wasn't at all. He also told me not to worry about sin. His grave is sufficient and he'd fix that as he fixed the other stuff.

I just told him I'd had enough suffering from this shit, I hate life with a passion and where's my help? He seems to be able to help everyone else and his people talked my ear off with problems. I'm not asking again, I'm not waiting long (40 years of loneliness and self-hate is too much for anyone) and I can't help others unless I'm helped. I can't listen to much (other people telling me their problems) since it pisses me off that here we go again, everyone is more important than me.


Edited by phoenix321 (10/21/12 02:31 AM)
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413794 - 10/21/12 06:25 AM Re: What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds? [Re: phoenix321]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3203
Loc: back in the USA
hard question!

on one hand - i know people who attribute everything that happens to God's will or sovereignty or intervention. on the other hand - some people doubt God's involvement in anything and everything.

i'd probly fall in the middle somewhere. i'd like for events to at least look like an unlikely coincidence or an in-the-nick-of-time "save" that is pretty dramatic, before i give God the credit for it in more than a general way.

i guess He must have prevented me from attempting or committing suicide 3 times. certainly no one else was aware of my thoughts or plans and no one was in a position to do anything.

i do believe that He was behind my wife's intervention when i was depressed, overwhelmed by returning memories and spiraling downward - that pushed me into therapy. it was very direct and sudden and unexpected. it felt like the hand of God grabbing me.

i am sure that He put exactly the counselor that i needed in the right place at the right time - with no other choice available. that has made a huge difference in my progress.

funny - at my last T session, i made the comment that i didn't feel like God was doing His share of the work. yeah - i have lots of good resources - books, this site, my T, my wife, but it is such d@%&*d hard work and sometimes i feel like i am pulling all the weight single-handed. couldn't He make it a little easier?

So - i AM grateful for the help He has given - and at the same time, i am not quite ready to let him off the hook for letting stuff happen in the first place, or allowing the "recovery?" process to be so long and difficult and painful. i prefer the idea of miracles or divine intervention. go figure...

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#413798 - 10/21/12 07:37 AM Re: What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds? [Re: traveler]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Lee,

I know God didn't let me get raped by the two sickos or abused by my sperm donor. However, I do fault him for none of his people giving a shit about me the whole time I grew up knowing stuff was going on. Nobody ever said, "Your dad is an asshole. You okay?" I have a lot of anger against churches (going in a bit to Mass) because it was mostly, "you don't count" whether I was 5 or 10 or 25 or 35. A lot of people kept me away from things in churches so friendships didn't exist really except on the most superficial levels. I've know some Christians that refuse to go anymore and do this gathering online or in a very small group. I may do that, too. Tons of online churches out there. Yeah, I've asked for God's help and I expect him to help. Up to him. All I can do is ask and thank him. But, I ain't waiting forever. I've lost 40 years already. That's too much of a burden for anyone.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413834 - 10/21/12 04:59 PM Re: What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds? [Re: phoenix321]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
God helped me to forgive my abusers which released a lot of rage and anger I carried. He also took alcohol out of my life and me wanting to stay drunk all the time. Just like that. The biggest thing that I realize I that in God I am righteous. I am new. I am not thy abused little boy anymore trapped in a mans body. I am totally new in Christ eyes and that is really all that matters anyway.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#413869 - 10/21/12 10:57 PM Re: What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds? [Re: Country]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: Country
God helped me to forgive my abusers which released a lot of rage and anger I carried. He also took alcohol out of my life and me wanting to stay drunk all the time. Just like that. The biggest thing that I realize I that in God I am righteous. I am new. I am not thy abused little boy anymore trapped in a mans body. I am totally new in Christ eyes and that is really all that matters anyway.


Thank you. I forgave my rapists a long time ago. My sperm donor forgiven? I don't know.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413919 - 10/22/12 07:32 AM Re: What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds? [Re: phoenix321]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
If I'm completely honest, I still struggle with forgiveness. Somedays I feel no anger toward those that hurt me, and then some days it's so intense I could burn the whole damn world. (Yes, today is not a good day.)

I personally do believe that forgiveness is a needed thing, but unlike so many others I've come across, I will never force someone to that place. I tell anyone plainly, when the times comes and you can, then that is the time, and no time before that will do. I think for many, including us survivors, there is a lot of needed work before we can reach that place.

God has brought me a lot healing just by reading and knowing His promises. I certainly don't always "feel" His presence right there with me, and in those times I have to trust that He is indeed true to His Word to never leave or forsake me, but damn it, there are times I do feel so utterly alone.

Top
#413936 - 10/22/12 10:00 AM Re: What did God do for you to heal CSA wounds? [Re: JustScott]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: JustScott
If I'm completely honest, I still struggle with forgiveness. Somedays I feel no anger toward those that hurt me, and then some days it's so intense I could burn the whole damn world. (Yes, today is not a good day.)

I personally do believe that forgiveness is a needed thing, but unlike so many others I've come across, I will never force someone to that place. I tell anyone plainly, when the times comes and you can, then that is the time, and no time before that will do. I think for many, including us survivors, there is a lot of needed work before we can reach that place.

God has brought me a lot healing just by reading and knowing His promises. I certainly don't always "feel" His presence right there with me, and in those times I have to trust that He is indeed true to His Word to never leave or forsake me, but damn it, there are times I do feel so utterly alone.



I hear you. One thing that really pisses me off about God is when I was suicidal and ended up in the hospital, he could've hugged me or something. I'm sure some religious fanatic will say something like, "well, you were sinning so he couldn't". Back then, I'd let that go. Today, some asshole saying that to me will get a "fuck you!" LOL! JustScott, except with my other personality, I always feel alone. She's always there for me. I can't say that about anyone else, God included. God probably was and probably can prove he was but if I didn't feel it, it doesn't matter, you know? Hugs for you.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, SamV 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.