like vampires sucking blood and everyone thinking that's okay, it's normal, this evil is in us, we must work a way to not let it control us

Me too. That's my usual subconscious thought.

I have to work on not generalizing my thought that adult peeple (sic people) are evil too.

Puffer

It is easy for a survivor to see sex as evil. To even feel guilty about it. We should see the abuse and manipulation as what was evil and not the sex. It ain't easy to do tho. Just my opinion.

I like to think this way. I won't give in. I masturbate, yes, but that's just a substitute for the real thing which is blood, so right now it's like substitute blood for me. I refuse to drink real blood.

Dark Hadou,

Have you applied logic to what you are saying here. We were all created from acts of sex. How could it be evil?

peace,

Caz

I used tho feel this way and have for most of my life.

I have worked so very hard with my therapist, even/especially getting into the nitty-gritty of the topic with all sorts of scary topics and discussions and now at 31yrs old have allowed myself to experience my first real relationship and it is Truly AMAZINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree that sex all by it self is not that great because there is no compassion and love or at least interest besides sex for another person. I think there really needs to be that.
One must Like ThemSELVES 1st and then also allow themselves to be open enough to allow another person to like to them (you).
This is what i have found out to be the case for me and I truly believe this to the fullest extent!!!
I have ....
I guess i may as well say it
I have gone looking for sex, just for the act alone and always, ALWAYS felt so, soooo ASHAMED afterwards and continued to repeat this pattern until I sort out help, and realized that I was only trying to recreate what had happened to me so many times before, by trying to gain some kind for control out of it----BUT it NEVER, NEVER felt like I gained anything from it.
I now give my self permission (and thats a big step) to Forgive myself for those self punitive experiences of which I now realize Is Classic of someone who has been through the CSA type trauma that most of us here have unfortunately bin through.

Please go easy on your self pal, and go though it in steps; One day at a time.
you are a good person even if you don't feel that way or believe it right now, and that is ok, but in time you will see that, that is if you continue on this incredibly difficult Journey.
But It REALY, TRULY Does get better. I am living proof!!


Take care of the most important thing right now, YOU!
Sincerely,
Logan