Newest Members
RodrigoBR, MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two
12332 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueelectron9 (48), Grunty1967b (2014), highflight (42), jocks44 (54), kitm1 (47), Porrick (44)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 13 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12332 Members
74 Forums
63415 Topics
443367 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#413828 - 10/21/12 02:57 PM Grieving over not having kids
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
I'm 44 so that chance has all but disappeared. Anyone else go through this?
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413829 - 10/21/12 03:11 PM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: phoenix321]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2575
Not necessarily! My father was 49 when he married my mother, and it was a few years before my older sister was born, another few before I was born, and my younger sister was born when he was 60!!!

So don't give up yet. God knows the desires of your heart and can do miracles.

My wife and I have 9 in all, but only have 3 we get to raise. The others are truly in a far better place with a Father I could never hope to come close to.

Top
#413836 - 10/21/12 05:05 PM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: phoenix321]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Phoenix,
If you are serious about wanting a child and feel like you could really help a child out then look into adoption bro. They have all ages and races of kids that need a good home. I am sure that you already know this but it is a very unselfish act that can change a kids life for the better. We just had a service this morning at church titled "Legacy". Got we to thinking about what legacy will I be leaving. The scripture says that a righteous man will be remembered forever. So wether you have a child or not you can still leave a legacy. I hope you get to feeling better about this friend.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#413871 - 10/21/12 11:13 PM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: JustScott]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: JustScott
Not necessarily! My father was 49 when he married my mother, and it was a few years before my older sister was born, another few before I was born, and my younger sister was born when he was 60!!!

So don't give up yet. God knows the desires of your heart and can do miracles.

My wife and I have 9 in all, but only have 3 we get to raise. The others are truly in a far better place with a Father I could never hope to come close to.


I'm grieving over the loss of my life to CSA and other abuse which caused me to hate myself for 40.5 years more than anything. Lack of kids not mate hurts me more though.

Thanks. Considering the emotional problems on my sperm donor's side of the family (most are f*cked up) and I'm Bipolar, I would hate to think what offspring from me would have since he/she would be 75% likely to have those problems, too. I can't wish the shit I've gone through with Bipolar on any offspring. It really wouldn't be fair. So, in many respects, I'm glad it didn't happen, but it would've been nice to have had the fucking opportunity and not hated myself for 40.5 years ruining my life.

I've done a lot, accomplished a lot and just don't see the point of life anymore without a mate and friends. Before that, I have to feel. Nobody wants an emotionally cold person (many have told me that and I know its the reason I have not married due to no one wanting me) except maybe God and I still have no clue why he's come to me twice. I did not seek him out. Yes, that's self-hate, but I can't return much emotionally to him since I don't receive anything myself. I guess cause he's God. I don't know.


Edited by phoenix321 (10/21/12 11:17 PM)
Edit Reason: add
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413880 - 10/21/12 11:47 PM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: phoenix321]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3377
Loc: somewhere in Africa
both extremes - i read about guys like you who long for kids and i have a hard time even imagining that - and then there are others like me - who are scared to death to have kids and try their best to avoid it.

i was sure if i ever had kids that they would be doomed to have a screwed up life because of having me for a dad. we waited for years before we tried to have a baby. finally gave in to my wife's desire. lost 2 before we had a success at nearly 10 yrs into the marriage. then lost another before having our 2nd. the 3rd pregnancy was a surprise - not least because of my difficulties with intimacy that were really kicking in at that stage. that one made it, too.

so i was dragged very reluctantly into fatherhood. it wasn't easy. i was scared and insecure and less than the ideal dad that i'd have wanted to have or to be. but i guess i didn't ruin them, by God's grace - and my wife's incredible mothering instincts.

what's the point? i dunno - just that whatever happens, it is difficult, i guess. i sometimes envied others their unattached life-style. others are jealous of my ability to have kids. is anybody content?

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#413895 - 10/22/12 01:16 AM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: traveler]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: traveler
both extremes - i read about guys like you who long for kids and i have a hard time even imagining that - and then there are others like me - who are scared to death to have kids and try their best to avoid it.

i was sure if i ever had kids that they would be doomed to have a screwed up life because of having me for a dad. we waited for years before we tried to have a baby. finally gave in to my wife's desire. lost 2 before we had a success at nearly 10 yrs into the marriage. then lost another before having our 2nd. the 3rd pregnancy was a surprise - not least because of my difficulties with intimacy that were really kicking in at that stage. that one made it, too.

so i was dragged very reluctantly into fatherhood. it wasn't easy. i was scared and insecure and less than the ideal dad that i'd have wanted to have or to be. but i guess i didn't ruin them, by God's grace - and my wife's incredible mothering instincts.

what's the point? i dunno - just that whatever happens, it is difficult, i guess. i sometimes envied others their unattached life-style. others are jealous of my ability to have kids. is anybody content?

Lee


Lee, let's see. You found a wife who loves you and kids who love you. I've had no love whatsoever in my life ever. I've had two dates and both were disasters. The first started dating another guy the week after (two days later) and didn't tell me. The 2nd just went for the free dinner. I'd be happy with a wife. As far as kids, I wanted the opportunity and didn't get it. I don't want kids now. 44 is too old for them. frown I need to go look for some casual sex soon.


Edited by phoenix321 (10/22/12 01:19 AM)
Edit Reason: add
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413899 - 10/22/12 01:40 AM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: phoenix321]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Yes, me too. frown

I do have a wonderful young man whom I consider to be my Son. Right now our relationship is online. I hope he can come live with me someday. This is very healing to me.
_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

Top
#413937 - 10/22/12 10:01 AM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: Undefeated]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: Undefeated
Yes, me too. frown

I do have a wonderful young man whom I consider to be my Son. Right now our relationship is online. I hope he can come live with me someday. This is very healing to me.


Sorry, Undefeated.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#413987 - 10/22/12 07:38 PM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: phoenix321]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Phoenix,

I am sorry for your loss in this area too. Having children can be one of the greatest joys and accomplishments any man can have in life. For us, this loss is tough.

If the young man I mentioned before does come live with me, it will be wonderful to have a father/son relationship. If he somehow doesn't make it here, I dread being alone. Most people have children to love them and care for them in their elder years. I may end up being all alone. frown

I hope something works out for both of us and anyone else here in the same boat.

Alan
_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

Top
#414051 - 10/23/12 09:47 AM Re: Grieving over not having kids [Re: Undefeated]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: Undefeated
Phoenix,

I am sorry for your loss in this area too. Having children can be one of the greatest joys and accomplishments any man can have in life. For us, this loss is tough.

If the young man I mentioned before does come live with me, it will be wonderful to have a father/son relationship. If he somehow doesn't make it here, I dread being alone. Most people have children to love them and care for them in their elder years. I may end up being all alone. frown

I hope something works out for both of us and anyone else here in the same boat.

Alan


Hey Alan,

I've looked up not being able to have children and women say it is a terrible thing to grieve over. Men don't seem to talk about it much I could find. Many hugs for you cause I know how you feel. It's grieving over losing 4 decades totally for me. I had hopes to find love when I was a teen and then in my 20s. I was incredibly screwed up then. But, it just causes me sadness no one ever thought I was worth it and God didn't see to mind seeing me suffer daily without sending help even when I asked. It's not like I didn't ask for things. Just seemed life and God and everyone else told me, "hey, someone worse off to deal with", which said to me, you don't count, pal. I hope you are not in that place like me.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.