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#413766 - 10/20/12 06:09 PM Am Glad I Never Gave Up
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
The Title may not do my feeling justice. The importance of "hanging in there." Most times received as cliche' or less than important, but this statement has an indellible importance toward recovery. Can remember months, weeks, hinging on madness, confusion. Fear. Pain. These are feelings that have been obliterated in the time since I've jumped in head first. "Recovery". What an experience. I note the thread from Kb8715,(hey brother') how important it is to correct the feeling that recovery is an impossible path. That happiness is an impossible goal. Nothing could be further from the truth. As someone who has started walking again, I came crawling in these doors. Sputtering along in the confusion and hell even I wasn't fully aware of. Just how far away MY true feelings were. How much of myself I had locked away. Coming back now everyday in shades of thought and action. Am always pushing for more room in my own head. Funny i need to, but never the less, an admirable heart beats toward happiness with no relativity of the abuse. Am finding it never mattered. My pain, certainly warranted. The attack to take me out- Never worked !!!! Am a beast and I walk on. Have the dark days completely vanished ? NO. But i am more adept at pushing them away. Putting my feelings in proper context, and fighting through the haze toward my genuine existence. MY genuine thought. MY genuine feeling.

I can't show proof of the depths I've climbed from. I can't show you that your'e pain was or is equivalent to mine. I would hope my taking time to do this would quiet any doubt you may have in your own journey. Most everything you hear is correct. "It gets worse before it gets better". -This is true. When you decide you will do anything to move forward, to gain ground- Then begin to shed things that have kept you spinning- Well, all it takes from there is resolve to stay in those truths. Those realizations and actions according are all you need to Win.

Bleed. (emotionally) Cry- as much as you can. Push yourself, and your results will fall accordingly. Recovery, like life, is all about what you put in. You will never gain anymore than you refuse to lose. Take everything Back. Everything is still there.

Blessings'

It's Possible.

I love you guys.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#413768 - 10/20/12 06:22 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: Tyler845]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 854
Loc: Kc,Mo
This came to me an email today, I thought it went along with this


Of course perfection has constant challenge in it, because it grows with you. It is always large enough to move in, high enough to make us stretch a little, and fast-moving enough to keep us advancing. As quickly as we catch up with it it moves on, not to get away from us but to keep us in pursuit.

The result is not frustration but progress. The process of striving for perfection is the most stimulating and challenging thing we can do.
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#413773 - 10/20/12 08:38 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: Tyler845]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3491
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Tyler -

excellent words!
we all need to hear more of this.
THANK YOU!

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#413774 - 10/20/12 09:06 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: nltsaved]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
NICE.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#413775 - 10/20/12 09:07 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: traveler]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Thanks Lee.

I appreciate your sentiment very much.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#413778 - 10/20/12 09:49 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: Tyler845]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Also- I probably should add the positive things I've began to do in order to keep my positive moving. All things considered, sobriety is the base for my progress. Was the first thing I had to tackle in the way of presenting a more whole self. Pot, mainly, the last hanger on of most of my use, was the safety net shared between me and my main perp. Many times it washed the wheels, so to speak. Gave him traction toward hurting me. Pot was the last of the strong holds, after stopping prescription drug abuse. All n all, been sober about 6 months. With two or three waining times i smoked between Oct and Feb of last and this year. So it tapered off. I slowly realized it was keeping me boxed in that old way of thinking. Same reactions, same fear. Then around the first of the year, I began to work out whole-heartedly. In the beginning was something I totally controlled and kept me busy while I was fighting down my road. Was always very active when I was young, and still love to play basketball and be outside. The exercise has lead to many positive things. Maybe focusing during work outs became a time of strengthening my inner self as well, because eventually, I began to do other things I had always wanted to. I began to going to a local church and there has been the most resounding show of progress for me. As someone who NEVER sought out the company of new people, the people at church have been nothing short of great to me. They welcomed me compassionately and honestly when I first arrived. They still hold a place of importance and a wealth of my respect and love. Just a side note, a family that I have become close to their took me for a pre-birthday dinner a couple nights ago. Some who know me from my beginning here know how scared i was of being in public, and taking that step has caused me to be very proud of myself. Am walking more whole-y in me now outside the walls of my home. Not to say it was easy getting to know the people at church, and comfort is still something I must aggressively asert while Im there, but it IS possible. I had to make the move to see the results. Fear aside, I'm much stronger than I ever couldve imagined, I had forgotten how easy being around people can be. Slowly realizing that EVERYONE has shortcomings-, There's a nice bit of relief. Knowing I'm even capable of helping someone out, with no hang up or false sense of weakness, even nicer.

All this is dust in the wind until you apply yourself. You must only look inside, listen to your heart, and walk in what you feel- No matter what you're heart may say. That's where I found myself, and am listening intently, hoping I'll continue to talk. Talk show gushiness aside- You can do it. Lift up your eyes and be made whole.
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#413807 - 10/21/12 09:11 AM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: Tyler845]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Jimmy you are the man....and you puled many people ahead with you as you recovered.

Let's hope more join us always.

Heal well all. It does get better.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#413862 - 10/21/12 10:11 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: Tyler845]
sailfish Offline


Registered: 10/20/12
Posts: 10
Loc: Virginia
That gives me hope that this initial torment will be worthwhile. Things are absolutely brutal for me in what is really the first weeks of my recovery.

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#413973 - 10/22/12 03:53 PM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: sailfish]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I can guarantee it being worth-while, if you guarantee a whole-hearted attempt at facing everything in your past. Everything, that has led you to your present being.

My beginning was marked by excessive days of no sleep. Usually crashing after 38 to 40 hour stretches. Alot of music, Alot of chat in the room. Alot of putting myself out there and knowing that that was the only way to see progress. Was lucky enough to be living with family and not have to work, so I could devote most of my time to educating myself on recovery. If I hadn't, i wouldn't've been able to do much else.

I want to stress, It Is worth it. The mountain of emotion that your'e now dealing with will tapir away. It's not going to be easy, as you are feeling now, But I Promise - it is worth it. Every moment of torment now, plains into a moment of pure existence in your future. Remembering yourself as you were, and are still, you'll be able to enjoy the ins' and outs of everyday life, with a new perception. As the whole you. The you you always deserved to be.

Be Kind To Yourself. Ease Along Your Journey At First. Take It Easy on yourself and give recovery all you have. You've already made, in my eyes, the hardest step. The First. Take Care. < Truly
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

Top
#414016 - 10/23/12 12:18 AM Re: Am Glad I Never Gave Up [Re: Tyler845]
sailfish Offline


Registered: 10/20/12
Posts: 10
Loc: Virginia
Today was very tough. Being put off and handed off between well meaning therapists. Turned away by the recommended psychiatrist because of my ADD conditions.....baffling. I found myself unable to even cry as good as it seemed of an idea..... now once again no sleep late in Virginia..... still trying but frustrated also never giving up

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