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#413557 - 10/18/12 07:09 PM A poem about AFB.feedback please
iamnotbubba Offline


Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 112
Loc: Colorado
I wrote a poem today. It was inspired by my support group last night. Not sure if I want to publish this on my blog yet. Let me know what you think. Your feedback is valued.

(Asshole Fucking Bastard)

YOU

Will you dance with me?
Take off your clothes let me see.
A secret kept between me and thee.

Straighten my books.
Let me take a look.
Don’t forget that little nook.

Communion is next,
We drink to be our best.
Come put your head on my chest
The blood of Christ makes us clean

Shhhhh, Just one more and I’ll be done
See now wasn't that fun?
Clean yourself up now
I can't have you covered in my cum

Will I see you next week?
Just a kiss on the cheek.
My shame you must keep.

ME

Your disgrace blinds me.
Wondrous beauty I cannot see.
Alone, abandoned no one hears my plea

Wrapped in rags of filth and decay
Release me I pray
Your secret kept ‘til my dying day


WE

From all over the world they came
some bearing their own blame.
Our demons we cannot tame!

Speak his name! Speak his name!!
No longer will you be lame
Speak his name! Speak his name!!

We spoke his name and away we went
his shame we only lent.


iamnotbubba
_________________________
iamnotbubba

http://www.perpetuallyhealing.com/

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#413560 - 10/18/12 07:17 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 420
Loc: USA
I think it holds a lot of meaning for anyone who was abused at church. That didn't happen to me, mine was elsewhere, but even so I can still relate to the hurt you express.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#413567 - 10/18/12 07:58 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3378
Loc: somewhere in Africa
you will know if or when the time is right to share it more publicly. it is powerful to the point of triggering.

one suggestion - though i'm not big on censorship - i'm an English teacher and itdrives me CRAZY when parents want to ban books for the sake of a few taboo words - i wonder if the raw and totally accurate - but not socially acceptable - words in parentheses at the beginning (title?) might be alienating to the people who you most strongly want to read and understand the rest of the poem.

just a thought.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#413579 - 10/18/12 08:35 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
iamnotbubba Offline


Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 112
Loc: Colorado
Thank you!

Lee,

I put the title in parentheses because I am still working on the title. I have a few ideas. One of which is to use the actual name of the perp. What do you think?

iamnotbubba
_________________________
iamnotbubba

http://www.perpetuallyhealing.com/

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#413581 - 10/18/12 08:58 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3378
Loc: somewhere in Africa
WOW - that would be totally consistent with the message of the poem.

it might also leave you open to legal issues.

what about using the format of the name and replacing the vowels or certain letters with other symbols - like - ( @ # * ) - the sort of thing they do with swear words - so it would be possible for people who knew him to fill in the blanks - but not as obvious to everyone? and the fact that his identity is an abomination - just as bad as a curse word - is a bonus!


Edited by traveler (10/18/12 08:59 PM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#413646 - 10/19/12 12:28 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
You know I always enjoy reading your work!
As for the name - if using the perp's name won't trigger you in any fashion - I see no "harm" in using it.
Me? I wouldn't - but I'm not as far in my recovery as you are.

(yet)
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#413661 - 10/19/12 03:19 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
iamnotbubba Offline


Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 112
Loc: Colorado
Ok, I think I reached a compromise. My wife was uneasy about using the first and last name so publicly. Lee, she agreed with you. However, I talked to my therapist last night and Mark, she agreed with you. Hmmmmmm what to do what to do.

How about this? I think it works. What do you think? blush



Pastor Wayne


YOU

Will you dance with me?
Take off your clothes let me see.
A secret kept between me and thee.

Straighten my books.
Let me take a look.
Don’t forget that little nook.

Communion is next,
We drink to be our best.
Come put your head on my chest
The blood of Christ makes us clean

Shhhhh, Just one more and I’ll be done
See, wasn't that fun?
Clean yourself up now
I can't have you covered in my cum

Will I see you next week?
Just a kiss on the cheek.
My shame you must keep.

ME

Your disgrace blinds me.
Wondrous beauty I cannot see.
Alone, abandoned no one hears my plea

Wrapped in rags of filth and decay
Release me I pray
Your secret kept ‘til my dying day


WE

From all over the world they came
some bearing their own blame.
Our demons we cannot tame!

Speak his name! Speak his name!!
No longer will you be lame
Speak his name! Speak his name!!

We spoke his name Pastor Wayne
and away we went
his shame we only lent.


Edited by iamnotbubba (10/19/12 03:19 PM)
_________________________
iamnotbubba

http://www.perpetuallyhealing.com/

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#413664 - 10/19/12 03:54 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I like it!
It's pointed - it's direct - but not "full identification"
I'm sure it is in your mind ... but then AFB is too I would imagine...

Anyhoo - I'm rambling.

I like it.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#413666 - 10/19/12 04:02 PM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
iamnotbubba Offline


Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 112
Loc: Colorado
Thank you, I think I will publish this version on the website.

iamnotbubba
_________________________
iamnotbubba

http://www.perpetuallyhealing.com/

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#413720 - 10/20/12 01:13 AM Re: A poem about AFB.feedback please [Re: iamnotbubba]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3378
Loc: somewhere in Africa
seems like a workable solution.
love to hear if you get any feedback on it.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
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