Hang on man,
there are a lot of similar stories in family and friends part of board, maybe you could read there in try to understand dynamics between survivor and spouse
You are on good path, you are acknowledging that you have problems and you are trying to start your healing.
It is journey and it needs some time and huge amount of work.
Take it easy, I know that must be terrible to be again lonely, but it could keep you more focused on your issues.
Look for any support available, there are stories, articles, books, chat rooms, chat sessions healing circles and many more that could help you.
Your girlfriend could be badly hurt and maybe she needs at the moment her own space for healing.
I hope you two will come together sometimes in future, I'll pray for that!