Everytime I loose weight (20-25lbs or so), something happens and then I break my diet until I've gained it back and sometimes more. It's almost like I feel guilty like I can't ever be happy. Lost some of that weight? looking better, feeling better?? We can't have that, so it's time for you to go back to your old self. Well guess I'll start back to loosing weight again, I'm going to start going back to a T, so hopefully next time it will be different, maybe I might not ruin it again this time.

Hang on Kid,
many of us are doing similar things, not maybe regarding loosing the weight but with drinking, porn, masturbation etc. many of us have problems with some destructive behavior and it is really difficult to break that cycle.
I've been occasionally feeling down and like nothing good I deserve. But I've learned that is important not to fall back and to keep trying fighting for self.
So it is great that you are feeling ready for doing something good like going to therapy or trying to lose some weight.
Keep fighting, you deserve the best from your life!!!!

Pero