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#413276 - 10/16/12 11:55 AM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I asked my wife to go with me. I wanted her to be a part of my healing. I wanted her there also to ease her mind and pain. If that makes sense.

If your H won't go then you should consider what is best for you. I mean , and I hate to keep relating to other issues, if ur husband got in his truck and it wouldn't start every morning then I bet you that he goes as gets a new battery for it. He may not need a new truck tho if only the battery is dead. Your marriage is his truck. He is the battery. If this makes any sense. I am terrible at getting my point across at times. I hope he gets help and you stay strong. Best wishes to y'all. Praying.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#413288 - 10/16/12 01:06 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
Thulas Offline


Registered: 07/13/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
We as make survivors , it is very strange, we have taken better care of our cars and house better than we have with our own bodies and minds. We take our car for routine oil change and maintenance but most if us would rather cut our foot off than be more exposed. I hope that makes sense. Again, best of luck.

Wow Country. I now get the picture... My husband hits a pigeon and his car windscreen has a hard to notice crack. He gets to the next garage and gets it replaced for 800 rand. Four days later he changes its tyres and get it alligned all for 9-thousand rand.It can never stay dirty and has to be taken to the car wash at a price three times a week while he still can wash it at home.

Yet he wont go start therapy for his CSA or even finish his treatment for chronic deppression from a psychiatrist he saw four months back. He wont even see a GP for a pain that has been bothering him for years on his liver...
_________________________
If you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to begin with the spirit.

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.

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#413300 - 10/16/12 02:06 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
For me it was like this,
If my yard looked really good and my house did too and if my truck looked clean and sharp then I would not be considered less than or unworthy as no one would know.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#413320 - 10/16/12 06:46 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
RachelMac Offline


Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 58
Hailwic,
My husband doesn't get angry when I talk about therapy. He flips back and forth though. One day he will tell me that if he goes to therapy it will be a waste because he won't hear any new info. But when I tell him he has never been to a therapist for CSA, he says things like "well I'll have to wait til work settles down." Always an excuse.

And my H does the same...LOOVES working on his car. Loves his electronic gadgets. He now has a new helicopter hobby. He will drive all over creation for a teeny tiny part and HAS to do it asap, but when it comes to therapy "there is no time."

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#413321 - 10/16/12 06:50 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
RachelMac Offline


Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 58
I am having trouble understand if a husband knows his wife and family are hurting because of hiim, why won't he get help? Doesn't the thought of losing all the good things in his life scare him more than facing the demons? I don't mean to come off insensitive with my question. It's just that understanding these things helps me handle my own situation with my H better.

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#413327 - 10/16/12 07:34 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
RunningOnEmpty Offline


Registered: 10/07/12
Posts: 91
Loc: georgia
--


Edited by RunningOnEmpty (01/01/13 07:32 PM)

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#413330 - 10/16/12 07:42 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: RachelMac]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
What must be understood also is that the mans brain has been affected by CSA.. To a great extent. Normal isn't normal to us. Well until we get thru therapy and them we/I atill second guess mist thouggts or actions.. But yes a man should see that his past is causing his family issues and try to fix it. I can only speak for myself tho.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#413345 - 10/16/12 08:20 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
RachelMac Offline


Registered: 08/26/12
Posts: 58
ROE,
Sometimes I have really good moments with my H where I can get my point through. But most days, he is at work so late, or spends so much time to himself that we barely talk. And I keep reading about people setting limits...I wish I could! He will listen to me, agree with me, and say he will do something, but always does the opposite. Sometimes I wonder if he is trying to hurt me on purpose. He told me not too long ago that he screws things up sometimes so that I am mad at him and want to leave. Now my understanding of this is that he is so broken right now that he feels like he deserves the pain of me leaving. But my point is that the boundary thing isn't working for me.

Sometimes I feel like all hope is lost. I know things won't be normal again. I even told him that I will accept whatever our new normal may be. I just want to see that he is trying. I feel so desperate sometimes. It's really hard.

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#413358 - 10/16/12 10:20 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
jb1973 Offline


Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 9
Just let him know that your there when he needs you. My wife has suffered a great deal from this...my recoiling from touch and lack of any sort of sex drive have absolutely killed her self esteem. That's my motivation for therapy. To help the only person that would stand by me when things were at their worst. Tell your husband that there are people out there that have suffered like he has. I'm sure this is a hard road for you.

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#413362 - 10/16/12 11:05 PM Re: Husband is terrified of therapy - how can I help? [Re: Hailwic]
jb1973 Offline


Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 9
There is no softening a subject like this....its kind of like pouring alcohol on razor burn....it stings every time. You should find out what motivates him. For me personally it was trying to undo all the damage this has done to my wife. All the rejection and lack of sex drive killed her self esteem. She became very depressed. I had to do something. This woman chose to stand by me through this. I told myself she deserved better and decided to get help. I'm still a trainwreck a lot of the time but I'm getting better. This has to be hard for you. There is not enough help out there for our wives. I'm certain of that.

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