good for you for expressing yourself so coherently.
as i see it - there are 2 possibilities - either he is a perp.
or - he is triggering memories of another perp - because of similaries that trigger your repressed memories.
i sure know all the feellings you describe, though. the step-father triggered all of that in me for all my life from age 6 until he died when i was in my mid-30s. it was only in the past year that i knew why - not just CSA - but incest. i always knew about the verbal and physical abuse - but never really gave it that name until i had moved out of the house and was free of his physical presence and control. the emotional, mental, spiritual and psychological influence, oppression and conditioning continues to this day - though it is diminishing.
how could he be so nice, giving, etc?
denial, splitting, whatever - it is possible.
i am sure my mom's 2nd husband never admitted to himself what he did to me.
take care of yourself, man!
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9