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I hate to say it but, it is possible. The outwardly best parent in the world can be an abuser.

As for if it was your father, I don't know. I would however bring this up with a therapist. The fact that he triggers you as you describe is enough to make him suspect in my mind.

Dang L.A.D. I am sorry you go they this. I wish u the best and hope you can figure it out.

LAD -

good for you for expressing yourself so coherently.

as i see it - there are 2 possibilities - either he is a perp.
or - he is triggering memories of another perp - because of similaries that trigger your repressed memories.

i sure know all the feellings you describe, though. the step-father triggered all of that in me for all my life from age 6 until he died when i was in my mid-30s. it was only in the past year that i knew why - not just CSA - but incest. i always knew about the verbal and physical abuse - but never really gave it that name until i had moved out of the house and was free of his physical presence and control. the emotional, mental, spiritual and psychological influence, oppression and conditioning continues to this day - though it is diminishing.

how could he be so nice, giving, etc?
denial, splitting, whatever - it is possible.
i am sure my mom's 2nd husband never admitted to himself what he did to me.

take care of yourself, man!
Lee

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I'd say your dad used you. Whether he sexually abused you? It seems possible. The man used you in a game to deceive your mother. Knowing you are an alcoholic, he encouraged you to drink. He " allowed you too much freedom." All these things indicate a pattern. Good fathers don't "freak out" or manipulate by threatening suicide. Good fathers set standards for their own behavior and teach those behaviors to kids.

Back to the question of sexual abuse: "Being nice" could be a kind of grooming, do you think? Life is but a dream, it sounds like your body is telling you something. You're not sure what. You should listen. Are you working with a therapist? It has really helped me to do so.

Good luck.

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Hey LAD,
please be careful with your father, I'm not sure whether he abused you or not but I can tell that he is not supportive at all like father should be and rather use you for his interests
Please try to share as little as possible with him about your issues. He already is crossing the line by making triggering jokes with you and using things that you've told him, that is terrible wrong
You have to make some distance and to protect yourself, please follow your feelings.
I have one question: is your dad very ill or something so you are so worrying for his health and do such things for him?
Hang on buddy!

Pero

LAD,

As a left-hander, I also hate restaurant booths. Always banging my elbow against the wall.

Your uncle who is in prison, is that your father's brother? And you are also suspicious of your grandfather? And your father has gambling problems and emotional problems and boundary issues in public?

It is *possible* that your grandfather started a chain of abuse that you have been swept up in.

PM me if you need to talk.

Cant

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