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#413280 - 10/16/12 12:20 PM getting more story out there
sandiego2325 Offline


Registered: 10/16/12
Posts: 9
MY STORY: I was assaulted many years ago but the effects have always haunted me and I never knew where to turn for help or even bother but my life has been adversely effected ever since and I just somone to hear my story
?
I was sexually assaulted by a shipmate and very close freind (at the time) while aboard ship. I ws not a model sailor but I was far from the worse. I never committed any serious infractions or anything like that; mainly it the incidents were for being late for this or that and disobeying a direct order

The incident happened in 1983 while I was serving aboard the USS Durham LKA-114 which has since been decomissioned. while in port I was sexully assaulted by a shipmate who I knew very well. I was sleeping in an empty stateroom which is to be used by officers when fully staffed but in port the rooms are vacant.

: while sleeping I was awakened by this man performning oral sex on me; I completely froze for a few secons and my mind went blank and I can't tell you what was going through my mind at the time. I just began to kick wildy until he stopped the he ran out of the stateroom

I stayed there alone for I don't know how long; paralyzed and frightened and I did not know what to do; bear in mind that I was just 20-years old at the time. I kept the incident to myself for 2-3 days but I could keep it to myself; I felt so ashamed, violated and broken. who would believe me? everyone knew that we were freinds but as God nis my witness I never asked for or invited what happened but the sense of responsibility was crushing me and in some measure it does today.

Finally, after 2-3 days of confusion and fear I decided to tell the Master at arms abord ship about what occurred; it took everything I had to report this and I think I creid the entire time and I wanted answers and help but I was sadly mistaken. Shall I go on?

I avoided (let's call him Skip) anytime after the assault. He avoid me (I assume) and I definitley avoided him but I wanted answers; I considered him a freind and he violated every measure of trust that exists. Looking back on it now I have come to realize that this is the predator's method; get the target to trust them and let their guard down then make their move. no more than a week later while I was standing watch on the quarter deck I saw Skip being escorted off the ship by the Master at arms with all gear in hand and although we looked

straight into each others eyes we did not say a word; I reminder it all like it was yesterday. I expected to hear from the XO, Captain, divsion officer or someone after Skip was escorted away but no one in authority asked me anything afterwards but I made it crystal clear that I was assaulted. I was not offered counseling or asked how was I doing or was I alright; none of that.

Then, about a month later I was informed that I was being prosecuted or processed out of the Navy by way of and admin discharge even though I had not committed any recent offenses. I was told that my servce was unsatifatory and not fit for Naval service. By this time, I had less than 7-months to serve before my enlistment ended in which I was certain to recieve an honorable discharge

I could not believe any of this was happening to me and as I look back on the incident I have at times cursed myself for for speaking up and reporting what happened but I just could not sit back k and do nothing about it and I thought I was doing the right thing. Anyway, the admin board decidedn that I should be discharged with a general under honorable conditions. In discussions with my attorney she didn't feel that the Navy had a viable case and and she strongly felt that I would simply be allowed to complete my 7-months remaining

and be done with it. in her opinion the worse case scenario would be a general discharge and by this time I just wanted everything to be over with; it was just too much for me.

thanks. Ultimately, the board decided on a gen under honorable conditions which at that point I did not mind because it meant that I could retain benefits and keep my sense of dignity and give me some measure of validation back; keep in mind that at no time was I offered help or counseling and by this time it was clear, at least in my estimation, that the Navy just wanted me gone; this well before the "don't ask don"t tell policies and things like that

: 4-6 weeks passed and the final paperwork came back so I could be discharge I was shockeing board d to find out that the covenening admin board was invalid because the senior officer on the board was a reservist rather than a full time Naval officer! Really? Robert-you can't make this kind of stuff up! At this point my attorney assumed that the case would be dropped because of the time and resources to re-try or convene another board and I had so little time yet to serve out my obligation but that was not the case

a new admin board was in fact reconvenned and this time I was given an OTH (other than honorable discharge) and because admin boards are considered non-judicial punishment there's no appeal process. if that's not justice the what is! I cannot even begin to express how this entire ordeal has effected my life; it won't go away and I still struggle with self esteem and trust and the entire myriad of symptoms victims of sexual assault suffer

I don't if anyone cares about what happened since it was so long ago; the Navy discarded me like an piece of scap iron or less; truthfully, this ordeal still continues to haunt me; the assault was bad enough but the ensuing OTH discharge; That's just too much for me and if my service records could be reviewed by the proper authority it's all there

so, why am I here now telling my story? well, I have overwhelming feelings of inadeqaucey, fear of rejection, self esteem and all the other symptoms; I read like a book in this regard and it interferes with my personal relationships;especially intimate ones; especially when it comes to trust admittedly I am a broken man and in low times my sense of personal self worth is trashed and personally no I don't feel that anything will change


what made this situation even worse is that I was molested on at least 3-ocassions as a boy so I didn't know or realize at that time but I was traumitized before any of this crap ever happened

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#413378 - 10/17/12 04:42 AM Re: getting more story out there [Re: sandiego2325]
Mart Offline


Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 3
its really hard. but get a great grip on your self reliance and self worth. find someone who can boost your morale.

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#413918 - 10/22/12 07:31 AM Re: getting more story out there [Re: Mart]
sandiego2325 Offline


Registered: 10/16/12
Posts: 9
Thanks Mart....tere's so mch garbage in my past I don't know where to start

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#414025 - 10/23/12 01:15 AM Re: getting more story out there [Re: sandiego2325]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
San, you reacted as anyone who had your past would. Anyone who had been abused as a child would have a reaction like you did when you were being assaulted. As for the reaction of the Navy trying to "bury" the problem, it's not at all shocking for the timeline. They had no idea what to do with an assault like yours, they ran away, plain and simple. You didn't do anything, you were assaulted and no one did anything, they failed to give a soldier who sacrificied for his country the help he needed after being assaulted.

Good start coming to MS San, very resilient of you to recognize that those things are affecting you, and you need to change those things.

Tell yourself it will take time, there are no quick answers. It will be hard but it's worth it. you've already got a handle on what the problem is, focus on what you need to move on.

This is a great site, go look at the stickies here and try to work from that.

Stay strong San
Mike
_________________________
Thriving

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