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#413195 - 10/15/12 03:44 PM Being Mocked
COSC Offline


Registered: 08/13/12
Posts: 63
Loc: UK


At what point does a parents mocking of a child about girlfriends or of them fancying girls become abusive (if it could even be called that) as a pose to normal teasing that everyone go's through?
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The virtue of mental anguish... is the provision of strength and resilience each time clarity's reclaimed. For my success, I owe it all,
to that which stands in my way.

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#413201 - 10/15/12 04:17 PM Re: Being Mocked [Re: COSC]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1038
I was teased about girlfriends by adults when I was a boy, and it was triggering for me.

But I think this is typical. Adults want to live out their fantasies vicariously through children around them.
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#413204 - 10/15/12 04:36 PM Re: Being Mocked [Re: COSC]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 743
Loc: michigan
hard question man, I know that from my perspective my brothers teased me constantly about me and some girl who supposedly liked me or I was supposed to like. they didn't know how terrified I was about the whole girl liking me thing. cause of my little secrets. and mom was pretty clearly against the idea of anyone taking her little boy all pretty screwed up over all.I'm still trying to sort it all out to but I just thought I would tell you this so you would know you're not alone man
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Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#413226 - 10/15/12 10:31 PM Re: Being Mocked [Re: COSC]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3304
Loc: back in the USA
Unknown1 -

you made a good distinction when you used the words, "mocking" and "teasing." teasing suggests good-natured, light-hearted, just-for fun, verbal play. mocking is cruel, vindictive, demeaning, and destructive of one's self-concept. some people may not notice the difference - but any of us who have been the brunt of mockery would never mistake it for teasing.

i don't think anyone can draw a line and say where one ends and the other begins. it is the spirit and motive and intent that is the key. is it meant to hurt and belittle? then it is mocking and is abusive, no matter how infrequent or how often it occurs. and for some people who are more sensitive, that damage can be more severe than the effect that the same taunts may have on others. it can be devastating - especially from those that are close to us and should have our best interests and protection at heart.

sounds to me like you recognize the difference from personal experience?

Lee
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We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#413237 - 10/16/12 01:26 AM Re: Being Mocked [Re: COSC]
Clockwise Offline


Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 302
Loc: Pennsylvania
Hey Unknown1, I know how you feel buddy.

My mom asks me all the time about if there are any girls around me that I like or that I hang with. I usually lie and say yes because it sometimes gets her off my back. In my case I don't see it as abusive. I'm 23 years old and I have never had a girlfriend or even been on a date. I know they think something's up with me by now because of my lack of interest in girls. I hate how she'll randomly bring it up in the middle of any conversation we have. It instantly makes my blood boil so I just say what I have to in order to get her off my back.

I understand how you could see it as abusive because of the relentlessness. Sometimes it just crosses the line and you just want to scream "No mom I do NOT have a girlfriend yet! Now leave me the fuck alone!" But that would probably cause a whole host of other problems.
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#413260 - 10/16/12 08:59 AM Re: Being Mocked [Re: COSC]
COSC Offline


Registered: 08/13/12
Posts: 63
Loc: UK
Hello all,

Thanks for your replies!

@traveler - Yeah, think its a big part of my problems. you hit the nail head on there man. Thanks, I was struggling to rationalise it out like that. I think I would go a little further and say that it can become abusive if the receiver feels hurt, belittled, at threat etc. regardless of intentions. It should be up to, in my case, my father to realise the effect their actions are having and stop.

Its only over the last year, going to psychiatrists being diagnosed with ADHD and subsequently researching this area and slightly deviating into autism that I started to understand my fathers behaviours. He was abusive to us, mainly through his frustration, rage and emotional type stuff but never sexual, mine came from outside the family. That little regulator that controls how we relate to others and importantly our ability to feel for others is not up to speed in my father. He can only intellectualize what is going on, so tends to mock as a pose to tease. Its not his fault but as a young child you don't understand why he continually makes you feel like shit and finds it funny! That, on top of keeping my secrets has had a crippling effect for sure.

Clockwise, I know what your saying man, my parents dare not mention woman to me, I would be liable to smash the house up. No exaggeration. Thats what would happen!

Oz


Edited by Unknown1 (10/16/12 09:26 AM)
_________________________
The virtue of mental anguish... is the provision of strength and resilience each time clarity's reclaimed. For my success, I owe it all,
to that which stands in my way.

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