Hi Guys , I feel that all of my recovery and progress that i have achieved has been totally wiped out and my world has collapsed around me .
Last Friday evening i decided to go around to my older sisters place for a coffee .I was talking to my brother in law about everything in general when he asked how my therapy sessions were going , they were both under the impression that my sessions were for my depression my brother in law asked me do you feel that you are getting anything out of these meetings ?, after constantly trying to avoid saying anything i eventually told them i that what i am dealing with is child abuse , my brother inlaw looked totally shocked and could only say "what" , my oldest sister who was standing in the kitchen turned to me and said "it was our grandad wasn't it " i sat there with a look of complete astonishment she then said He did it to me as well !!!!. This feels like it has torn out my heart and soul , i broke down and cried ,my brother in law said to my sister you never said anything , she said it only happened the once then she refused to stay there again , i told her my abuse at the hands of our grandfather went on for 3 yrs , and i told my sister and brother inlaw that our grandfather had raped me . My sister was only about 7 or 8 when this happened to her and i was only about 8 when it later happened to me .
I am now left trying to deal with this , before i found this out my only consolation about being molested by my grandfather was that he never got to my sisters .Now i have found this out PLEASE i need advice on how to deal with this , i have spoken to my therapist and she has arranged for me to spend a couple of days in a respite home where she knows i will be safe and i can deal with this in a safe enviroment . Thanks everyone , i just do not know what to do !!....Andrew.

Andrew, my heart goes out to you. I can't offer much, but I can say please don't give up.

The first advice we hear when we come here serves me well: take deep, slow breaths, look around and place yourself in the room. Focus outward, take a walk. It is good that you reached out to your therapist.

Remember there are people in your life, as well as here at MS, who care for you, and even love you for sharing your pain. You've helped me a number of times in the past, and I'm grateful and lucky.

If your belief that your grandfather never got to your sisters got you through your horrible experiences, then maybe it did its job.

In other words, you mustn't blame yourself - if that is what I am hearing.

Maybe you'll be able to reach out more to your sister? Certainly her understanding of your situation is deeper now, and it is possible she feels similar to you.

I wish I could give you a hug, (((((((Andrew))))))))

Geoff

Hey Andrew,
I'm sorry to hear that such bad news came out unexpectedly. Please try to calm yourself.
Try to breathe slowly, here is the link to one thread when Sam aka Sasuva explains two by four breathing for relaxing, I've found it as very powerful tool for calming down:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=378397#Post378397
Maybe you could try to do it, I hope it will be helpful.
Maybe you could do some things that are calming for you like playing some music, walking in nature or spending some time in company of some friends?
When we are triggered heavily trying to ground self is good way to cope with all those emotions which could take us to flip from present.
Here is the article with some tips how to ground self, I hope it will be helpful for you to read it and maybe try some:
http://www.bcbhr.org/Articles.aspx?7
Hang on dear friend, here is my warmest hug for you
(((Andrew)))

Pero

Hey Andrew

I agree with Geoff.

I wish I could offer more helpful words.
I know it is hard to see now but I think that what you did last Friday brought the abuse out into the light. And that is always the right thing to do. I don't think it is ever easy. I do think you will help your sister to receive healing herself now that is out in the open. Maybe you could focus on being there for her now as I'm sure this will affect her in some way. You have been there for us and I know you have the understanding of abuse to support her recovery.

Also you can't be expected as the younger brother to have protected her - so try not to beat yourself up about that. Sounds like you have a good therapist. It is great that she has the resources to get you in a respite home. Surely this will help you to clear your head and work out were to go from here.

We are all here for you mate!

Hi Guys , thanks for all your messages of support , my youngest sister is aware of everything and i have told her about what my therapist has suggested and she is in agreement for me to go there , i have been there before .To know you are all here for me is a massive thing for me , thanks Guys , Andrew .

It hasn't been wiped out, you're moving forward. This is really wonderful work.

keep at it.

i read your post... i can see how you feel like your world collapsed.....


but.....


i also read a lot of progress being made in your post too... the fact that you opened up to them about being abused was huge step... i feel bad that your sister was abused too, but as others have said, this also creates a tighter bond with her to be able to help work through the issues. out of tragedy comes some bright spots. you now have even more support there...

sometimes to grow we need to go through some pain... well, you went through some pain there, but i guarantee you will now be able to grow even more!

I'm in a growing/pain-filled period myself.

Grit your teeth. They say we're better off on the other side of it.

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