*

This can be filed in our "emotional illusions" file.

Without knowing the details, I would hazard to guess that 1) it wasn't nearly as bad as you think it was, and 2) the worst part of it was probably self-fulfilling, that is, you thinking you are a bad guest made you a less-good guest.

It was a big step for you to go solo to a party. That's no easy thing, especially for abuse survivors with social anxiety. I wouldn't have done well there, either, I don't think.

So pat yourself on the back, and send whoever invited you a thank-you note saying you had a great time but had to leave early because of either a) another stop you had to make or b) because you weren't feeling 100%.

I'm not a big people person, so likely would not have gone to the party but, I'd say it sounds like you actually did fine.

Perhaps some self esteem issues going on that you need to work on?

If nobody laughed and, nobody said you sounded stupid, then you weren't. I know that inner voice disagrees but, the more you tell it to believe what actually happened, the more it will expect that to be the case.