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#412966 - 10/13/12 01:58 AM Flipped reality
RunningOnEmpty Offline


Registered: 10/07/12
Posts: 91
Loc: georgia
..


Edited by RunningOnEmpty (01/01/13 07:48 PM)

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#412970 - 10/13/12 03:24 AM Re: Flipped reality [Re: RunningOnEmpty]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 262
Loc: us
This is a tuff question because safety is usually an illusion. I do know that kids who come from homes with disfunction are more likely to be abused. But your are right that all you can do is talk to you kids and empower them to say no. And if something does happen handle it the best way you know how. My parents couldn't protect me but they did step in the love me through the aftermath and because of that I'm still here and I've been able to grow into an amazing person despite my struggles.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#412972 - 10/13/12 03:40 AM Re: Flipped reality [Re: RunningOnEmpty]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3450
Loc: somewhere in Africa
hi, ROE -

male survivor here.

you may think you are being paranoid - but better that than the alternative. i wish my parents had been more vigilant. mom closed her eyes to what step-dad was up to. both were blind to what was happening to me at school and scouts. i got all the "strangers with candy" warnings - for all the good that did. it was "friends" and family i needed to be protected from and warned about.

when i had kids (1 boy, 2 girls), we were VERY cautious and selective of where they went and with whom. We limited sleep-overs to families that we knew extremely well and only when there were lots of kids there - not just our kid as the only guest. when my son joined cub scouts, i joined too and always knew what was going on. i may have been hyper-vigilant - but we kept them safe. we gave them the warnings - but not just candy from strangers - more the "no one is to touch your body in the areas where it would be covered by a swim suit" kind - as well as what to do and who to tell and so on. even did some "what would you do if..." scenarios. the fine line is to prepare your kids without making THEM paranoid.

we recently received an email telling us that there had been a pedophile caught in the small town where we used to live. he had been at it for 20 years and they knew of kids from age 7 to 17 who had been molested by him. we were encouraged to ask our kids if they knew of any victims or had ever encountered him. thankfully, all 3 said no. he would not have been suspected from any outward appearance. you can't be too careful.

hope some of that helps.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#412996 - 10/13/12 09:53 AM Re: Flipped reality [Re: RunningOnEmpty]
Blue1966 Offline


Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 83
Loc: USA
Safety is an illusion, well part of one. Sure humans love to thing the world is a safe, bright, happy place and, that people are basically good. Go ahead, that's what most do, it's safer, easier, nicer that way.

Might not be reality but hey, the reality of just how dark, depraved and cruel people and the world can be probably isn't what you want to live with anyway. CSA, I wish that were the worst of it but, there are a lot worse things people do to worry about.

You either accept the pretty facade and enjoy your nice suburban life or, you accept the truth of how dark humanity can be and, you learn ways to deal with it, be that self defense, living in an isolated home, limiting trips to town, whatever it takes to be at least semi-safe.

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#413070 - 10/14/12 09:11 AM Re: Flipped reality [Re: RunningOnEmpty]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 707
Loc: NJ
I am going a step beyond a dysfunctional home as being a catalyst for victimization.... I have read far too many stories on here.

BEING HEARD. Our children need to be heard. They need a safe place to communicate and be listened to. In my opinion, that is the antidote. With my kids (12 and 9), I have given them scenarios and talked about what is appropriate or inappropriate. But I SEE THEM. I HEAR THEM. They know that they can get my attention, my ear and I will validate them. This is important because they don't need to get it elsewhere, and I think we all know that perps often use that to their advantage.

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#418159 - 12/04/12 12:37 PM Re: Flipped reality [Re: RunningOnEmpty]
L84 Offline


Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 22
Loc: USA
Esposa,

Excellent point!!
Wow.. I think that really gets to the heart of the matter.

It seems like if even just one person has HEARD you (you are known) and can go back to that well many times when life (and people and circustances) are beating you up.

Thank you!

L

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