Noticing how guarded I feel when it comes to being vulnerable emotionally this month. I believe there's some balance point between being too open and too closed to others, but I pendulum swing back and forth without spending too much time in that balanced place.

It affects how I relate to others on their recovery journey as well. I'd prefer keeping myself more open-hearted, but I think being honest about where I'm actually at is the first step in doing that, so I'm just not there at the moment.

Probably part of it is feeling depleted. I've been pushing myself just a bit more than I can handle, okay in the short term, but not sustainable long term. Maybe I just need a bit more R & R in order to open up more, to have some energy available for that.

kcinohio,

I can relate to that. and what I want to add is how confusing that must seem to others. we swing back and forth, never spending "too much time in that balanced point." It's no wonder we're so misunderstod.

it's ok to "not be there." we have been taught that we are not important, we don't count, we have to take care of others. It's a HUGE step to realize we have to take care of our selves in order to have anything to give others. You see your own needs. it's ok to take care of yourself - in fact that is not only rational, but normal as well!

Ya, at 53 I am just now learning what normal is, not that I can adhere to it at all times, but how wonderful is it to finally be able to see it? that puts it within our grasp.

take care of yourself first, gmone