Wonders if anyone else who was placed on mood stabalizing medication has had the same desires to go back to the way they were. In an odd way I miss my manic phases. Hurling myself into something and actually focusing on it. Granted I tended to mistreat my body and miss out on food and sleep, but all the ideas I had and creativity seem to be dilluted now. I dont want to go off my meds but I also want the same desire and capacity for deep reasoning i used to have. The meds have squashed my ager outbursts and maintained my schedule more than I would have expected. I just cant seem to wrap my head around the thing I used too. I used to delve into m-theory, philosophy, theology, anthropolog, sociology, almost anything ending in -ology really. Now I'm finding it nearly impossible to make the leaps of logic that I used to. All this stuff cam so easy to me before. Now its a chore. The answer to complex formulli doesnt just pop into my head any more, I have to actually do the work now. Is this the price I will have to pay for the rest of my life. Imparing the one part of me I have had confidence in no matter what, my capacity to reason. All other aspects of my life were in doubt before. My appearance, my social skills, my "life" skills. All highly suspect to me when i recieved a compliment. Just throwing that question out there for folks.

P.S. I'm on 250 mg of quietepine and 20 mg of escytalopram a day if the actual type of meds is important.

Yes, I hate them, tried them, can't handle the chemical lobotomy effects they have so, I learned other ways to cope.

That said, the meds are helping you so, until you learn other ways and, have a doctor take you off them slowly, don't just stop taking them.

I'm on my 2nd week of Buspirone (Buspar) and not sure how it's doing, but don't feel lobotomized by it.

Meds work for some, for me, I went through 15 different meds, all with varying degrees of confusion, suicidal thoughts, forgetfulness, listlessness, inability to focus on even something so simple as making a meal, etc... I gave up trying after 3 years of that nightmare. Not to mention most also killed my libido UGH!

It got to be a case of "Hey doc, I'm not depressed because I was abused, now I'm suicidal because I can't think straight and, I can't make love with my partner. - Gee thanks but no thanks."

I can handle my natural mood swings (bi-polar) and,what was then anxiety attacks, nightmares and, flashbacks better than I can handle the side effects of the med.

I learned other way to cope, and got things under control without meds.

Meds work great for some, but not everyone. I nor my special someone can handle meds. The side effects are harder on us that the problems the meds are supposed to help with.

Dear Treehugger,

I'm a recovering Bipolar too, and have been on every med know to man. Yes they can flatten your mood, not to mention make a mess of your sex life (what sex life?). Some have given me tremors and uncontrollable movements of my face.

Manic phases are fun, but they are when I did the most damage to myself and others. Tempting as it is, I don't want to go back there. Sounds like were on the same meds now. Do what you think is best. I'll stick with mine and live in the real world for a change.

Jude

I'm on one med for depression, another for anxiety/panic, and ten more for "general health and wellbeing". And there are four more I only take at night.
I gave up hoping for a sex life years ago. Clear thoughts? If I can maintain a train of thought long enough to express it I'm doin great. Tho for some reason writing is much better than verbal. I think it's because I can read everything I've typed so far and it keeps me on track. Verbally - I don't remember what I've said so how can I complete the thought? Also depends on how tired I am so I'm great the first 6 hours or so at work, then start sliding down hill.
My life ain't great on meds - without them I'd have no life to complain about. At this time, taking the meds is still a plus.

*

" Verbally - I don't remember what I've said so how can I complete the thought?" - Ditto MarkK. I always "lose time" if I'm trying to explain something to someone that takes more than one or two sentences. i just get side tracked by some random thought. And spiral the conversation way out into left field without knowing it.

My current situation is akin to the ones posted above. I feel the meds are helping. I am trying to build in new coping strategies and such and I hope one day to be off the meds. I will continue on them until both my doctor and I find a suitable alternative. I hope that one day I can be free of the meds as well as the drastic and occasionally violent mood swings. It's also not such a great thing when you and your doc start pushing your dosage up from therapeutic levels for bipolar to the levels where schizophreniastarts to be treated with the same med. 3rd Up on the Seroquel in 6 months. 1 more and i'm bordering on schizophrenic dosages. that kinda worries me because ive always been sure this voice in my head was mine.

.

I also have a bit of concern for something that bigpharm mneglects to share. the fact that each year I'm on these "medicines" i have an increased chance of developing Tardive Dyskenisia. A tremor that apparently will be permanent and is a know side effect of most mood altering drugs. Being twitchy all the time doesnt appeal to me very much as I am aready overly self concious.