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#412821 - 10/11/12 05:43 PM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1040
I am beginning to achieve some success in life, but still totally broken inside.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#412867 - 10/12/12 02:15 AM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Whome,

I know exactly what Undefeated means. I still try to keep a positive attitude, but there is reality that has hit me in face a lot especially lately. I'm starting over at 44 years old, hopefully healthy (fingers crossed) and I know I have a very short time to get in good somewhere, and have serious doubts I'll ever be able to retire unless I live to 120. lol Bankruptcy is hurting those chances big-time. White, male, bankrupt, over 40 is shunned in America and the only thing worse is white, male (and female over 50), over 50. frown I'm either overqualified (over 40) or not qualified for jobs I've done and even minimum wage jobs. I apply for everything.

Whome, it's nice you had the ability to afford therapy and had the finances to get a group started. You need to realize many of us have had very few breaks at all. You're fortunate and more power to you, just remember every walk in life is different and none are eqaul. Not all get the luxury of CSA groups and/or a therapist let alone a therapist with CSA expertise (they are expensive here if you live near them). I couldn't even find just a decent general therapist going through $30,000+ and 12 of them. lol



Edited by phoenix321 (10/12/12 02:16 AM)
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#412870 - 10/12/12 02:49 AM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1536
Loc: New England
Guys, I've really just started this train ride through hell called "recovery" and I'm 55 years old. I have some good days, and alot of terrible ones. Its depressing to look back at my life and see how fucked up its been because of what that pedophile did to me. I sometimes wish he had just killed me and spared me the last 42 years.

But I also have a job that gives me some perspective. I'm a nurse and I work with quadraplegics. Total paralysis, unable to move, talk, eat, much less attend to their own personal hygeine. I have two such male patients that are just 21 years old, one thats 26, and one of them is blind as well. They never get out, can't read, tell a joke, or laugh, have a job or an education. They never will know what it is to hold a woman in their arms or make love. But they smile. Despite everything they smile at me. When I feel like my life sucks, I remember their smiles and realize my life could be worse, and there are things I can be thankful for.

When I stay inside my own head I get in trouble. Its a dangerous place to be. When I get outside it and focus on helping someone else, I end up in a much better place. Look for ways to help others. Its good therapy and keeps takes your focus off your problems for a while. It works for me anyways.

Jude
_________________________
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine.
Sheryl Crow

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#412877 - 10/12/12 05:42 AM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Wow
Feel guilty about getting better.
All I am trying to do is say that there is hope.

And BTW I did not have the thousands to do therapy, there was no group and the only way I got help in this country was to go onto MS.org. There is now a group in this country because I started it. So all the resources were not available to me.

So if you are implying that I had it easy, don't. It was a long hard battle, one filled with pain and anguish and very very lonely spells because there is no support available.

I appreciate that healing is tough and I am not making light of peoples plight, but remember that healing is possible. "It works if YOU work it, so work it you are worth it" This AA saying was my life for a year and a half, and it is only with the attitude of victory that I overcame 13 years of sexual abuse and 25 years of alcoholism.

Sorry if I came across flippant and uncaring, that was not the intention

Heal well All
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#412905 - 10/12/12 11:24 AM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: whome]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Martin,

Don't feel guilty about your healing. I am happy for you. For each of us, it's hard to fully understand the different set of circumstances and obstacles each will have to face. I just try to be understanding that not everyone can or will understand my plight, nor can I understand everyone else's situation. It's tough when we aren't doing well, and someone else is doing good, but nice if we can be happy for them instead.

Alan
_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#412908 - 10/12/12 11:39 AM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Jude]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jude,

Excellent point! Your post reminds me of the following quote:
Quote:
A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.
Charles Dickens
_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#412911 - 10/12/12 12:20 PM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: Undefeated
Martin,

Don't feel guilty about your healing. I am happy for you. For each of us, it's hard to fully understand the different set of circumstances and obstacles each will have to face. I just try to be understanding that not everyone can or will understand my plight, nor can I understand everyone else's situation. It's tough when we aren't doing well, and someone else is doing good, but nice if we can be happy for them instead.

Alan


Whome, Glad you've had the opportunities. We all fight these things, and, honestly, some of us get sick of hearing "be positive and it'll all work out" routine that marginalizes our suffering saying, "hey, if only you were more positive..." In fact, I found it downright offensive. Have you walked in my shoes? Nope. I'm sick of the war and banging my head up against the wall because I don't know what the fuck to do to make it better. Could I be worse? Yeah, could be. I really don't care because I'd trade the last 40 years for all I got screwed out of and I'll give up an arm for it. Could it be worse? Yeah, but it isn't. Would I trade my lonely, hellish 40 years for something different? Yeah, 99% sure. Perhaps ask one of us obviously having a bad time what the fuck is wrong instead of saying "if you were only more fucking positive!"
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#412916 - 10/12/12 02:39 PM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
Treehugger75 Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Ontario Canada
This statempent or a paraphase has come up a number of times in my last year of therapy from myself and from other survivors. The loss of innocence, the lack of motivation to be all that one can, the goals that seem too far off to even bother striving for. Indeed the great potential each of us holds was pushed from our minds, left to simply exist in silence and confusion.
_________________________
I will never ALWAYS be right, I wasn't wrong, I am whats left.

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#412925 - 10/12/12 04:17 PM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: Undefeated]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1040
I don't care about my childhood or my innocence, CSA stole my adulthood.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#412941 - 10/12/12 07:27 PM Re: Simple quote describing the affects of CSA [Re: cant_remember]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Originally Posted By: cant_remember
I don't care about my childhood or my innocence, CSA stole my adulthood.


I wish I could disagree , but same for me. frown
_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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