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#412812 - 10/11/12 04:36 PM I will..... Trigger warning
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Well it appears my greatest fears have come true. It seems my wife has hit her breaking point and wits end. I thought this day would come. I mean seriously? Who would want to stay with someone who cheated in them?? She said she forgave me and I don't think ahe ever really forgave me. 1 good thing that came from this storm and life changing experience was I got real close with The Lord. I know that I have been nothing but a complete failure pretty much my whole life. I don't blame her at all. I mean I made te mistake and slept with someone 1 night. That is one thing I haven't been able to forgive myself for so how can I expect her to forgive me?? She is a good person and deserves happiness an my drama as ex wife's babies momma drama is more than 1 person can take. Lord knows I have changes my life completely and He knows how many times I have prayed for my death. Even after 1 failed attempt. He saved my life thru a car wreck when I was 16 and my GF at the time died. He saved me when I was gonna blow my brains out. He has some reason for me to be on this world.
I am just a complete failure at everything I have done. My life is turning upside down. I don't want to continue but I see some reason for me to be here. I am not proud of anything about my past. I deserve nothing and I guess in the end that is what I got. I just want y'all to pray for her and my step son. They need the prayers right now. I will continue to serve The Lord but right now I just wish my life was over and done with. There is really nothing more I have to say. Yale probably don't care and read stuff loke this all the time. I am so sick with myself. I just want Gods will in my life and for Him to point me where I need to be in my life. I don't know if she will ask me to leave or what but I kinda figure that time is real soon. It is so hard to feel worthy of anything tho and at the sametime I know that Jesus died for me. I can't control what bullcrap my ex wife says about us or my wife. She lives for that drama. I am just done. I am drained. I feel used by my kids. I feel like I haw let my wife down sooo bad. I feel like just vanishing. I just wanna move to Alaska and live alone so I can't disappoint anyone else or have to deal with this bullcrap. I am done here at this site for a while probably. Talk to y'all later. Please pray. I am sure there are some crazy typos and I just don't care.


Edited by Country (10/11/12 04:41 PM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#412815 - 10/11/12 04:44 PM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1399
Loc: California
If I may be short in my reply;

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine the pain of going through a marriage on the rocks. My heart goes out to you.

Isolating yourself at this time is probably the least loving thing you can do for yourself.

Stick around. Scream at us. Cry on our shoulders. This would be an act of self love (being heard and valued), as well as a loving act for other people who would grow from hearing and sharing your pains and sorrows.

Please reconsider. You deserve better than to isolate yourself.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#412816 - 10/11/12 05:09 PM Re: I will..... Trigger warning [Re: Country]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 838
Loc: Kc,Mo
There is not time for self pity do not gt sucked into the enemies game plan you were inferior now you are superior because you are a child of God do not take a low mentality the past is the past walk in the newness of Christ . This to shall pass . The God of all can and will help you sustain you and deliver you . If he can do all that you see your telling me that he can not help change the outcome of your marriage . He is God almighty Alpha and Omega the Beginning and The End of all things . Now is not the time to retreat now is to stand up and fight for your marriage fight this battle on your knees.

I say this in love brother it is time to arm yourself with the full Armour of God and get on your knees fast and pray if you have to but this is not over until it is over and you had better fight every step of the way
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#412817 - 10/11/12 05:10 PM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2573
Definitely don't isolate yourself in this time. That's what the enemy wants. Alone you're an easy target. Band together! You have brothers here who will stand with you.

Don't give up on your marriage. Yes you made a wrong choice, but don't let that be the reason you decide to give up now. You pointed out how far you've come, fight for that, and fight for your marriage.

Do the hard thing, and open up as much communication with your wife as you can. Ask her what she needs from you. Do what you have to save it, if after you've done everything you can, she still wants out, that's her choice then, but then you can rest in the fact that despite past mistakes, you did all you can.

I know you want God's will for your life, well brother, one of the things God makes clear is that He hates divorce. His will is for you to fight for it. You can't make her stick around, but you do your part.

All this crap hurts and when everything else seems to be falling apart around us at the same time it's even harder, but you can do it. You can do all things!

Remember, God has called you. Those He called He has sanctified and those He has sanctified, He has justified. You feel unworthy, but He calls you beloved son.

Fight the good fight, and don't give up.

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#412818 - 10/11/12 05:13 PM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2573
If you find yourself in a reading mood, Pick up the Word and start reading James, and know that God is working... there is a purpose.

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#412837 - 10/11/12 07:00 PM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3351
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Country -

i am praying for you - and your wife - that this is not the end of the story. the God who resurrects whole people can resurrect a relationship.

will write more later, when i can.

with His love,
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#412869 - 10/12/12 02:42 AM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hang on Country,
please don't be hard on yourself and stick with us here, you are not alone. We love you and care for you, you are good just as you are.
Think on us a little bit, what will we do without you smile ?
I'll have you in my prayers!


Pero
_________________________
My story

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#412871 - 10/12/12 03:20 AM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1506
Loc: New England
Dear Country,

I have been just where you are. I have felt as hopeless, and worthless as you are feeling. But remember that you didn't ask for the abuse you suffered as a child, and you certainly didn't ask for the baggage you have carried from that experience. It wasn't your fault then, and its not ALL your fault now. Yes we have to be responsible for the wrong choices we've made as adults, and adultery is one of them. But we also have to recognize that we have been set up to fail in life because of what those bastards did to us.

You have worked hard to change your life and make amends for your wrongs. You have cried out to God for forgiveness and healing. Now is not the time to stop and give up. I can't promise you what will happen in your marriage any more than I can promise what will happen with mine. But I can promise you that God loves you enough to die for you, and nothing will change that. He has a plan and purpose for your life, and He will be faithful in that. You just need to press on, no matter what.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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#412893 - 10/12/12 09:38 AM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Magellan,
You are right. Now is not the time to isolate. I prayed a lot last night. I feel better this morning. Still don't know what may come of this tho. Thanks for your words
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
#412894 - 10/12/12 09:40 AM Re: I will... [Re: Country]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
NLT ,
You are correct on not getting sucked in. This is the day that The Lord has made for me. His will be done in my life. He alone will provide me with whatever I need. Thanks for the kick in the butt
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Top
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