Gary - i read your blog. the best i can offer is a familiar phrase - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!
sounds like the deck was stacked against you and you were set up for a situation in which few seasoned professionals woul have been able to excel.
two reasons for hope = perhaps the rep will read your written testimony - which may have more impact than if he had been there = and is very well written, i might add. and - perhaps your obvious discomfort and insecurity in speaking will have provided a visual illustration of the affects of CSA upon you -even all this time later.
please don't blame yourself. you did the best you coud under the circumstances.
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2