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#367168 - 08/01/11 12:21 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: SamV]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Sam, thanks. Coming from you it means a lot.

It takes effort to look for the positives at times. Life is never going to be perfect and our abusive pasts seem to magnify that reality.

I swung and missed on a curve ball at home this weekend that had zero to do with my abuse. I bet they can feel the breeze out west.

This one is real, it is going to take a lot to work through. That includes accepting I may not even be able to fix it.

Recovery is about us first. Sometimes maybe it gets better when we put someone else ahead of us though.

Be well.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367295 - 08/03/11 09:54 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#367399 - 08/04/11 12:17 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Anthony39]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Tony many thanks for that. I tend to think at times in terms of poetic words & music too when thinking about recovery. I bet a lot of us do.

There are a lot of thoughts shared by many here that make sense to us .

This first post just is so brave I think:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=367308#Post367308

The second post is a poem from a man I have gotten to know here. Its a piece I really like about how a friend (non survivor) reached out and became a big part of his recovery:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...1822#Post351822

I think both these posts are worth a read. Posts like these help us see it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367765 - 08/09/11 10:00 AM IT GETS BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I have to admit I do notice a bunch of folks read this thread. I get a lot of feedback, messages, & requests for help as well. Hey if that means this helps is get better, good enough.

Like I keep saying you got to realize I am like any of us here who was abused at any age. Recently some guys here who know me well did suggested I've got swagger and panache, but hey, why can't a survivor do it with style as well?

I know I have come far. I know many here who walk real close with me have too. We do this together. Many of the men who are beating the effects of abuse are quiet. That is their right. But many of them encourage me and are very much protective of me too. Just like you I can trigger, get blue, get angry etc. It passes. It always does get better.

Right now my home looks like a Target Store. The Irish Twins are packing up to head to school. We are real proud of how close they are and know they will have each other's back up at Penn State. If you never have been there State College is next to Mount Nittany & they call that area Happy Valley. I'm not too sure what they put in the water there (or their Keystone Beer) but it is awesome to know your kids are being nurtured in that sort of environment.

Our third kid has brought a close friend into our house this summer. He's got some tough breaks in his young life too and his Mom encourages that he spend time with us. This weekend his younger brother joined us as well and got a good dose of the good insanity in our home. I'm pretty sure they feel better by knowing my kids too.

Like any home we also are dealing with health related issues you can not ignore or easily fix. It's life. Who has the perfect one? Who promised it would be perfect any way.

Things have gotten better.

I got work to do still. We all do.

Daily reinforcement counts. It's the texts, emails, calls, posts, PM's, and chats that keep reminding me we all can do this.

I may sit and type this all out but it gets better because so many of you here have shown that to me.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367767 - 08/09/11 10:02 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: risingagain]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
It is getting better for me.

_________________________
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings.
The Round Table, Mondays 7:30pm CST.

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#367769 - 08/09/11 10:36 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: lfp]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I have to admit I do notice a bunch of folks read this thread. I get a lot of feedback, messages, & requests for help as well. Hey if that means this helps is get better, good enough.

Like I keep saying you got to realize I am like any of us here who was abused at any age. Recently some guys here who know me well did suggested I've got swagger and panache, but hey, why can't a survivor do it with style as well?

I know I have come far. I know many here who walk real close with me have too. We do this together. Many of the men who are beating the effects of abuse are quiet. That is their right. But many of them encourage me and are very much protective of me too. Just like you I can trigger, get blue, get angry etc. It passes. It always does get better.

Right now my home looks like a Target Store. The Irish Twins are packing up to head to school. We are real proud of how close they are and know they will have each other's back up at Penn State. If you never have been there State College is next to Mount Nittany & they call that area Happy Valley. I'm not too sure what they put in the water there (or their Keystone Beer) but it is awesome to know your kids are being nurtured in that sort of environment.

Our third kid has brought a close friend into our house this summer. He's got some tough breaks in his young life too and his Mom encourages that he spend time with us. This weekend his younger brother joined us as well and got a good dose of the good insanity in our home. I'm pretty sure they feel better by knowing my kids too.

Like any home we also are dealing with health related issues you can not ignore or easily fix. It's life. Who has the perfect one? Who promised it would be perfect any way.

Things have gotten better.

I got work to do still. We all do.

Daily reinforcement counts. It's the texts, emails, calls, posts, PM's, and chats that keep reminding me we all can do this.

I may sit and type this all out but it gets better because so many of you here have shown that to me.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#368116 - 08/14/11 11:37 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
My wife calls our home the Apple Juice House...the place any kid could always reach in the garage fridge and find a juice box. These days those same kids have move up to more adult beverages, buy we keep them all as safe at 19 and 18 as we ddi at 5 & 6. Man that sure makes it get better.

Many of those same young men & women spent the night here last night saying bye to our older 2 as they pack for college in 2 days. Got a ton of hugs this morning from good young people who I saw about every day, but won't again till Thanksgiving. All good!

This week I watched a man here break loose form his isolation and disclosed to a guy who acts as a mentor boss and big brother to him. He got incredible support.

What made it even get better is he did it using the the words I shared with him from a real good man I know through MS.

That's "PAY IT FORWARD" for sure. None of us wanted to be here. But tell me who would give up having met some of the incredible men here?

To me this post talks about turning our pain into something far more positive and powerful by givng and accepting from others in our life.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=351822#Post351822

Man it sure gets better.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#368138 - 08/14/11 06:43 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
Keith, kinda blew me away that post. Especially the ending. I'm letting the words rattle around in my head....would I have wished it undone....hmmmm...if I were to chance not having the same relationship with my wife and family....wow....


George

_________________________
George!

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#368558 - 08/20/11 10:10 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: ACLover94]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Its such a fine line at times between doing the best for those you care about and your own recovery. Putting others first makes it better.

This time last week this house had incredible energy I thrived on. Tonight the older 2 are up on campus, the youngest at a sleep over, and we are here both feeling intensely blue and dopey for not realizing we are doing a good job in raising healthy happy kids.

Abuse hits us in so many weak spots. Though I have cleared many obvious issues I admit I like my life in a certain order, and for me it will always mean having those I love near me.

But they are where they want to be tonight and my wife and I helped make that happen.

So I may be real sad and blue tonight but it will get better because we know we've done it all for the right reasons.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#369079 - 08/29/11 04:08 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
So this week like many people I got to experience both an Earth Quake and a Hurricane. Hey, it gets better when you walk away intact from that kind of stuff.

I also had a chance to take on an aspect of me that pre-dates my recovery that I never liked at all. It was something I felt had to be dealt with, had to be said out loud really,
to be sure it stayed where it belonged. It was tough, but It was a real recovery step to take and I know it got better because I did it.

I also watched a guy many of us know here step up in my support by seeking me out, challenge constructively the way I think, listen to me carefully, and throw me a ton of care and concern.
I know he's quiet often, but if you are fortunate enough to get his advice you will benefit from it.

He posted a creative piece I hope you will read and comment on: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=369008#Post369008

Another guy who is well respected here asked me the proverbial question about how we are seen in our daily lives. Do our emotional scars show? Do people see us as damaged?

I told him how this week I was the guy responsible for the safety of a large work force required to evacuate due to the Quake. I was the dope to go back into the building with a subordinate to be sure it was empty. I was the guy who the NYFD Battalion Chief asked to meet to give an all clear to.

The next day another woman who works for me came by and handed me a Bull Horn. I asked why I needed that and she said because everyone knows the guy with the Bull Horn is in charge.

To each of you I am a survivor. It is nothing we asked for and nothing we should feel blame for at all. And I am proud of the guys here who ask me to help them, and thankful to the men who help me as well.

That def makes it get better.

But you see here where I am no one sees a survivor. Like I said, to many people I'm just the guy with the Bull Horn.

Make sense?

be well all,

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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