..

Oh definitely, every time an new memory surface for my SP (Special person)or he's triggered, has a seizure (epilepsy), or other not so good thing happen.

But then there are those moments when, even at the worst times for him, when pretty much nothing or no one seems safe, he turns to me, when I'm safe, when I'm okay and nothing else is. That's when I know whatever we go through, it's worth it, he's worth it.

Then there are those time when it's me who's triggered and, he reaches out with a hug, and all I can do is smile and welcome that small treasure from him. You have to learn to treasure to small, priceless gifts and, when thing are rough, hang on to what you know really makes it worth it all.

I don't think I was emotionally equipt to have such a hyper sexual experience at such a young age without ending up with a kinky fantasy or two...

I think it is important that survivors understand, that they don't own one ounce of shame...(I had to tell myself, that quite a few times, before I actually believed it).

At the end of the day, "The best revenge is living a good life". This starts with trying to find myself comfortable in my own skin and includes reclaiming a healthy sexuality. (I respect those that have chosen to become asexual).

For me, I absolutely refuse to let my perpetrator steal my sexuality away from me. I am sure my experiences have altered how I eroticize things. ( I can't afford to play the nature/nurture game too long, lest I start to drive myself psychotic looking for answers).

I think fantasies are a many splendored thing as long as they are safe, sane and consensual (some of them were probably, never ever meant to be realized, but isn't that what fantasies are all about...???).

I think it awesome that a couple can establish a dialog where you can both talk about intimate and sensitive subjects without judging. I truly believe, that we are only as sick as our secrets.

I once heard that, "hurt people, hurt people" and if this is so, isn't the opposite true...???

This is where I believe healing can have a very sacred meaning, between two people (kinda like when I started having out of body experiences with my massage therapist). Alas, I cant explain it, it is something that has to be experienced.

We all need comfort and validation from time to time. The journey continues...



Broken (Seether and Amy Lee from Evenescence)

island

I struggle with this one sometimes. In Spanish, there is a saying "Si lo crees, lo creas." (If you think it, you create it) - and we all know that our mind is powerful.

While I agree that shame must be removed from sex in order to build true intimacy, I also think we need to carefully monitor our thoughts as they become our emotions and our emotions become of behavior.

ROE

Weve read worse, promise.
I to felt that relatively mild fantasies were perverted, thats because I felt like a little pervert, that I was different and sick. Hell I thought that I would molest my daughter, the most precious Person in my Life.
Now that I am better and coping with my past I see that I would never hurt her, but there were a few doubts in my life.

Keep loving and healing
Martin

Not too much or too little info. Just right. Thanks for the thought of the censor. I know that a lot of times I am scared to come into this section. It is my own guilt from hurting my wife. I am so grateful that y'all do contribute and share as it helps y'all and us survivors. It is a place of freedom. A place where y'all need to vent at times and at times seek info. So thank you for your censors but when you feel the need to let it all out then you shouldn't have to censor. Just a trigger warning , I think , would be fine. It is so easy for y'all to just come in here full of the hurt is survivors have caused and just rant away. Which by all means ya'll have the right to do.. It is so nice to see at times that there is a kind of understanding thy what we have faced affected our brains in a great way that we were ,oh how should I say it, umm, well for lack of a better words, clinically insane. We can recover tho and it ain't easy and sometimes the pain we caused can not be fixed. I do not think the pain was caused on purpose or with intent. I hope you all understand as I feel I just rambled away and lost all of my thought process from my mind going 90 to nothing. Just know that I as a man and a survivor appreciate the fact that people like you all exist today and feel the need to want to help and encourage. I wish y'all the best and may God bless every marriage and person here.