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#412552 - 10/09/12 02:30 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: crazy gecko]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: crazy gecko
At first I felt nothing. Then relief that he's not out there any more, ... But lately, I've been wishing I could stand in front of him and tell him what he did to me and how much I hate him. And I'm also kinda sad, because he was my father, and now I know I'll never be able to have a "dad", even though in my more rational moments I know that he'd never have been "dad" to me anyway.


Gecko - this is me, exactly - except it was a step-dad, not a real father. if it helps any - i totally understand what it feels like!

BTW - i love geckos ever since living in the tropics. i even have a little silver one on a neck chain.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#412563 - 10/09/12 08:36 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Lifes-a-Dream, Traveler, Gecko, Puffer, etc --

Thanks, guys. I don't know how I feel today. I just know I can't watch TV today because it's going to be wall-to-wall Sandusky. And here in my small town, it's going to be funeral home visitation day for my perp.

Which one of you said that this could end up being an important subconscious milestone? That makes sense. I hope that's true.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#412565 - 10/09/12 09:10 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3618
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Cant, it must be difficult for you frown
I hope you are not feeling alone in all this. I wish to have some magic wand that could erase all bad that happened to us, unfortunately that is not possible.
Time marches on as Lee said in other thread and we are inevitably moving from our past, I hope.
Hang on brother

((((CR))))

_________________________
My story

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#412567 - 10/09/12 09:19 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1753
mine is still alive--found him several months ago--i have sat in front of his house and in the parking lot where he still serves. it was a conflicting time of mixed emotions. i could not enter the church where he works--fear gripped me. I still do not know if I should confront when part of me is still fighting the feelings that i was special to him. if he was dead, there would be no option, only look forward i guess. it is very disturbing--what will end the torment--confronting him (or would this make it worse seeing his face and probably not hearing an apology), or leaving it the way it is.

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#412573 - 10/09/12 09:46 AM . [Re: cant_remember]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (01/12/13 09:34 PM)

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#412574 - 10/09/12 09:57 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
Lifes,

Thank you. I don't know how I feel right now.

I have so much to do today and this week that there's no time for a breakdown. I won't have one. I won't. Not this time.

I don't feel alone when I have my brothers at MS to talk to. My new T is OK but I don't think he gets it either.

Without MS, I would be completely lost. It's the only place where I fit in. You guys mean so much to me.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#412580 - 10/09/12 10:50 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2589
For many of us, this truly is the only place we can go where we'll be understood.

Even with the people in my life who I have told, when the really bad days hit, this is where I come, because no one else gets it.

Take care of you. I'm triggered over the sentencing etc as well and I'm struggling between work and following the news..... need to stop following the news....!

Hang in there.

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#412583 - 10/09/12 11:01 AM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I am going to write my perps , one my uncle and one my babysitters son, and tell them just what damage they caused and let them know thy I forgive them but will never forget. I am going to go into great detail. I should do this before they pass tho. I want them to know that I know. The old me would just go pound their heads into the ground with a ball bat or the heal of my boot. They are lucky I am saved.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#412593 - 10/09/12 12:13 PM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 862
Loc: washington
My "T" informed me that, "You" have the power now. After all these years...

When he contacted me, I had nothing to say. I let him die in his shame.

I "get" that you might have mixed emotions over this. I "get" that it is not all black and white.

In the end, I hope you find peace and comfort in his passing...


In The End (Linkin Park)

island
_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#412600 - 10/09/12 12:56 PM Re: My Perp died today [Re: cant_remember]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 952
Loc: southern California
Yea, I hear ya, CR. As frustrating as it is to hear the words, most people deliver insulting platitudes when they're trying to encourage and comfort us. They don't know any better.

I suppose it underscores the importance of us (survivors) educating the public on the matter.

The perp that assaulted me and my sister (our father) turns 90 in 3 months. Reading your post I am certainly staring at what the future holds for me, and many other survivors, as well.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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