I know this is probably covered and beaten into the ground and broken off 100 times, but I've been having a lot of wandering thoughts and doubts today. truth is, I think one of the biggest questions I want answered anymore is a simple one: why was I chosen instead of anyone else that was available?

I know there's not a way to know a real answer, since that would require understanding the mind of a perp, but I was wondering if anyone's come to any insight through everyday life or therapy as to maybe why certain children are sought out or abused and not others.

I sort of need some support right now and it's causing me to turn hate inward on myself because I'm worried that I made myself a target of abuse.

Thanks for your time, anyone that might reply to this thread. I kind of feel bad about wasting people's time on me, but I would really appreciate some insight.

Jw -

i think the bottom line is - IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. even if you had walked down the street nude with a sign on your back that said "rape me" - it would not have been your fault! whoever the perp(s) was (were) is (are) the one(s) to blame - and probably only he (they) can answer your question.

but - availability or accessibility is probly a big factor. if there were other boys who were equal to you in that circumstance, then it may have been a matter of who was most vulnerable, most insecure, most needing attention, least likely to resist or tell, least likely to have a protector or defender. some perps even have a favorite age, type and appearance they look for.

Perps can sense who is an easy target. i had no father and craved attention - i was sheltered and naive, i was physically weak, i was shy, lacked self-confidence, had a poor self-image, and i was a loner - so i was easy to pick off.

so there may be many reasons - but the FACT you need to ACCEPT, KNOW, BELIEVE and HANG ON TO is - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

(and don't feel bad - we ALL go through this!)

Lee

Thanks for the feedback-- it's troubled me because my first perp was a female preschool teacher and... as far as I know, I think I was the only one she abused other than her son... it just scares me badly that she chose me. I worry other people see me as vulnerable

But thanks, I appreciate the encouragement.

JW,

Pedophiles have a way of sensing our weaknesses and exploiting them for their gratification. Mine used drugs and alcohol as a lure. He had about a dozen 12-13 year old boys flocking to him to be supplied with that stuff regularly. I was the one who stayed with him when everyone else had left because I had to get higher and be the cool one to hang out with Tim alone. I was the one who got abused. Its not fair. Its not my fault. Its just is the way it happened. My T says he probably abused other boys. Pedophiles are never satisfied with just one victim. Yours probably did too.

As Traveler stated, the important take home for you is: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. I had to hear that about 500 times before I believed it. Its not your fault brother. It just isn't your fault.

Jude