A touch from a witch and demon in disguise
Am I dreaming her on top of me?
I turn away as if trying to make the nightmare go away
Am I sure I am dreaming why is it so real?

Hands laid upon my chest and shoulders
scratches from your talon nails
bites to a shoulder and laughter there after
rough kisses forced tongues shoved down my throat

Half in and half out of sleep
still dreaming this nightmare i must be
I should wake soon but why can't i shake this dream
She is to real this demon to go away

I awaken to find the nightmare was real
drugged out of my mind to be compliant
anger and hatred fuel my rage
sadness and shock hit me when i find your growing something

My seed you stole for your own gain
Promised you that you wouldn't ever see them
I kept the promise as you never did
though i can't take back the rapes you laid upon me it felt good knowing you begged to see my beautiful boys

MY gorgeous princes here now with me
two more products of a rape laid down on me
they join an older brother one of rape produced himself
Each of them my love and heart and pride and joy

How excited my oldest should be
how i can't wait to see him and how he has grown
has the effect of knowing his mother was my abuser worn off?
Has his rape at the hands of the bitch and the demon got any easier to deal with?

My gorgeous twins join ranks of many children brought into life from rape
they won't ever be alone not really
I just pray they won't ever feel the pain i go through and have gone through
I am protecting them now but is my love going to be enough?

Gorgeous angels sent to me from above
you've chosen me for your father but why i don't know
I am so joyous and happy
yet sad and upset

I look at you so peaceful as you sleep
Can i just muster the courage to say FUK IT and hold you
I fear when time comes I won't be able to do this
I fear not being able to hand you over to the guardian angel

My love is strong and tearing me apart
should i hold you skin to skin as they say
bond now for our short time is here
or do i turn my back thinking its easier this way?

Two little angels that hold my heart now
My love is great and i feel no hate
how can i hate something that isn't at fault
why the fuck can't i just hold you's

you cry and cry and i know you want me
calling for the daddy you sense is near you
but i fear once i hold you i won't be able to let go this time
it nearly killed me once though i know I can survive this time

Can you accept your father for the whore that he is?
Your crying out summoning me to you
I look down at your precious faces and pure perfect self
but i am too scared to hold you and get close to you fear i will contaminate you

I am only the bastard whore father whom everyone calls me now
you won't ever get to know me but know that i loved you
one who loves you so much to CHOOSE another life for you
one free from the hurt and pain i live daily

I summon my brothers for the strength I need
the love that i need so badly
the wisdom and guidance i am seeking from them
I call to my brothers and scream to them to hear me

This hurt and lost soul cries out for reassurance
I am only a still a child yet myself really
We are stronger together than apart for my brothers and I
we are stronger apart than together my little angels

out of hate and cruelty came the best thing ever
it grew three little bundles loved so much
out of the hatred of others
CAME LOVE purest of all that scares the demons and monsters away

Dragon - that last stanza says it ALL!
blessings & prayers,
Lee

jayy,

i just see you are a good dad. dont be too hard on yourself, once more you care for the ones you love more than for yourself. that is very human. be proud of how you are, despite others keeping on putting you down in every way.

miss you,
ela

Hey Jayy, congratulation once more!
I'm crying while reading your dilemma: would you put them on your skin or turning your back. Must be so difficult for you
You are wonderful person, so special and delicate. I'm sure you are the best dad in the world and would be always.

Your children need your love and you have it a lot, it is blessing from skies. Don't be hard on yourself, we love you just as you are and accept you in full, you are great man. I wish that I can do more for you and your children, I'm praying for things to change.
Keep fighting!

Love you ((Jayy))


Pero

Be strong Jayy!! ]'[ <-- That's a little Burning Man symbol for you

Sending LOVE from my household to you and yours.

Love and Freedom,

Human

thank you everyone... thank you so much

Jayy

Jayy,
One of the most amazing things about being human is watching Love Conquer All. In your own life, like many of ours, the pain of loss and violation almost eclipse everything else. When you discuss your children, you blossom and glow with love. Your unconditional love for them is undeniable and proves that love indeed overcomes any obstacle, defies any boundary, and can accomodate any condition. You Love....and you love unconditionally. You do not see the children as the product of evil, even though evil circumstances were all around you and them. That is special. That is precious. That is human.
You speak to the pain of loss that comes from being unable to shoulder their care and providing for them. However you are growing into a man who may one day share many things with many others, both related to you and those, like me, who have no relation to you but nonetheless feel kindred spirits when you speak. To Say you have triumphed is an understatement, You have loved in spite of tremendous abuse, tremendous pain, you still love. You are a miracle Jayy, and so are your children.

Geoff