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#412112 - 10/03/12 10:58 PM What I've Learned
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
I went back to my earlier posts here and wanted to repost this one. I was so hopeful then about recovering quickly and completely. I was kind of naive in that way, but I am determined to move forward and not give up. I have a good 25 years left in my life and intend for it to be lived on MY terms for a change.

8/13/12 In less than a weeks time on this board I have learned alot that has helped me start my recovery. Most importantly I've learned that what I have been through is not unusual, that I am not alone:

1) Others feel shame and guilt about their abuse "it was my fault" is a common theme. I'm not alone.
2) Others are filled with anger and hatred..toward themselves, not their abuser. I'm not alone.
3) Others are horrified that they can feel aroused thinking about their abuser. I'm not alone.
4) Others have had their lives swallowed up by addictions to drugs, alcohol, and sex. I'm not alone.
5) Others identify themselves as straight, enjoy sex with women, yet inexplicably have gone out and had anonymous sex with numerous gay men. I am not alone.
6) Others secretly are obsessed with gay porn and masturbation. I am not alone.
7) Others have kept the secret for years, and finally had to let it out. I'm not alone.

I have let my abuser control my life for 42 years and I am pissed off that 2/3 of my life has wasted trying to contain the damage he did to me. Ruined relationships. Years spent drinking and drugging. I am going to overcome this shit if it kills me and I hope he burns in hell.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#412115 - 10/03/12 11:21 PM Re: What I've Learned [Re: Jude]
traveler Offline

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3815
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Gary - you ARE making progress - and i would say that just having joined us in August of this year - it IS relatively quick!

it may not be "quick" by the definition that you brought with you - but as you say - that was a naive expectation - or maybe more of an unrealistic or overly optimistic or uninformed hope.

Please don't be discouraged. you are on your own timeline and have your own unique set of circumstances now - and in the past that all play into what happens in your recovery and when it happens. keep on keeping on. your determination to take back your life will pay off.


Edited by traveler (10/03/12 11:22 PM)
There’s a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—the readiness is all. - Hamlet, Act 5, sc 2

#412116 - 10/03/12 11:23 PM Re: What I've Learned [Re: Jude]
COSC Offline

Registered: 08/13/12
Posts: 63
Loc: UK
Great post, thanks. Good to see the change in spirit from your last thread! Has made me think a little. And feel better about using this forum. Well, more comfortable anyhow.

The virtue of mental anguish... is the provision of strength and resilience each time clarity's reclaimed. For my success, I owe it all,
to that which stands in my way.

#412126 - 10/04/12 01:28 AM Re: What I've Learned [Re: Jude]
Country Offline

Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 654
Loc: Alabama
We are behind you Gary. You can do it brother. Best wishes
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her


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