alone..i feel terrrified ..if i dont act out ; what
i cant even look at my mom. I hate my dad; but he
doesnt even know what his brother does.
He used to drive me home.
He would always tell me i would killl people if i reported
this to billie (his daughter).
I am wanting to watch gay porn, right now.
I realize if i go onto chat, i may trigger guys.
I have to get out of this mess.
I couldnt get help. Now i have a T. He is too good.
We are good , together.
Challenges for me are whenever, i see a guy.
At the gym, or walking somewhere.
I used to thnk i had it all.
I never knew ,me.
I thought i was never worth anything.
My cousins. My grandma, is a sick bitch! And i act like she is
next me, right now! She has been dead for over a decade, i
I graduated from high-school n '94 - what i learned ; not much!
My mind was always on other things. Not sure.
I am scared..of being gay. But would that b sooo bad?
I feel like i have to b. For my cousin;bitch !
I hate her. My brother called my parents place this morning.
I slept here last night.
My mom calls my name out , to speak to him. Mother fucker,
i just said " tell him i say hi"!
He can go to hell.
He scared me too.
Y'know it is reall hard on a person emotionally when a girl says
"Goran i have never seen you with a girl".
This was in Thompson oh about 14 years ago.
It is true i never had a girl. I still am terrified of women.:)
My brother , then one night after the bar....i arrived shortly
after him - i am guessing his firends might have had a little fun
in my benefit ( i dont know if that is how it is said properly).
He looked at me when i walked in and he had htis look as if i
was disgusting and that i should b shameful.
" I never see you pick-up any chicks!"
Man i feel bad when i was anywhere in that town.
I dont even hate the town. Nobody really hated me.
I mean i had a bully in grade 6 . And i heard some shithead
was always insulting me in my high-school years.
But i never had problems.
I only had a few girls like me. And even then the crush toward
me was over when i would find out.
But my brother is an asshole!
I was 20lbs. over weight i would hear this " RIP, CRACK , RUMMMBB
BBBLLE" ! everytime i would walk downstairs in my house
when his friends were there ( other friends also would do this)
and my wonderful cousin and a friend of hers ,too would do this.
This was to motivate me to lose weight.
And i should what forgive him? Fuck off!
I want to bolt out of here and get... out of Manitoba.
I will apply at more jobs in the coming days...and..i am
Take ,care love ya