Thanks, Bob.

Oh, believe me, I was prepared to throw in the towel to becoming an art therapist at all a couple of weeks ago. However, my therapist helped me to see that young people/children are not the population for me to reach out to. My experience with my adult heroin addicts is truly relaxed. One guy dove for the scissors to use on his girlfriend and, although it did alarm me, I maintained control, was able to throw them both out and leave for the day with a mental reminder to get a tool bag to to carry exacto knives, scissors, and other art tools that could become weapons. No triggering. My class is filled with thugs, many homeless, either dealing or using hard drugs, or both, but I actually feel at home with them. I have no fear. Odd.

My therapist told me they get my pain and they know I get theirs from unspoken cues. Believe it or not we give each other a safe space. My therapist keeps telling me the hard drug addict demographic is considered to be the most difficult. He said it may be one of my niches since I do not experience it that way. He pointed out it is important for me to make a mental note of that moving forward when I consider where practicing art therapy will be most effective.

The experience with the Youth Specialist job taught me that not every population is for everybody and that youth populations are not where I would be effective in a positive way.

I hear you about the shame and sleaze -- add on filth, evil, faggot, and a few other choice words for me. Inside I don't think those personal identifiers will ever go away.

I really don't have a family or friends, at least not that I am close to. I have a partner (husband;New York State) but I cannot bring myself to rely on him for support. I sent my friends on their way a long time ago. My T and I are presently in a "dialog" about building my support system. Yeah, well. ...

Interesting that you should mention that your behavior to that woman turned this "excellent and healing environment into just another place where could lead a double life of shame...." Lately, my experience here reflects exactly those sentiments just in the fact that I come here. For me, no place is truly safe. No place ever will be.

Anyway, I appreciate your feedback and comments. Helps me think.

BTW I do art therapy for myself already. I have produce and continue to produce collages reflecting my personal emotional and psychological growth. In a little over a year I have produced a body of work consisting of about 56 pieces.

O

Hi Thebo,

So good to hear that you ARE moving forward. Sounds like you have a gift for working with hurting people. I'm a nurse and I work with quadraplegics. One of them, Paul is just 21, unable to move or speak, is blind, breathes thru to tube in his neck and is fed thru a tube in his side. Yet he smiles all the time. Used to piss me off, like "what do you have to smile about?" (I'm a cynical SOB) Now I get it: If he can smile, so can I....at least sometimes. As much as my life sucks, it could be worse, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to help someone like Paul.

Keep us posted on your work. You rock.

Gary

Glad to hear your thoughts, Thebo. Good luck to you. Never forget that you have brothers here. I'll do the same. I think you and me both (and maybe many of us here) have a constant tendency to isolate ourselves. Thanks for writing. I appreciate the hell out of this whole thread.... Also, I should add, I have some interesting thoughts I'd like to share about people like us, danger and our strange level of comfort with it.... But today isn't one of those days where I can delve into things. I just feel too.. fragile and fucked up... angry and desperate. I'm logging off now. Just wanted to check in.

Thanks. Whenever you feel like it....

Thanks, Gary.

Once again I believe I am out of my mind for even considering this career or going back to school. I must be completely devoid of my senses. Really.

Started first official Art Therapy class. The teacher is a little odd, but OK. I can tell I will need to play the academia game with her. So, everything I read for assignments, I am underlining, not to learn, but to fill in the "teacher-wants-this" "blanks" of final papers. I already know what she wants. I just have to feed it to her in a format where she thinks I have learned something.

Like everything else in life, I may run from the starting gate thinking i am inspired or called or doing something for self-fulfillment only to discover soon thereafter, I have turned it over to others. I am doing this process for everyone else now. Oh well. If I keep them smiling I can keep them at bay.

Hey Thebo,
please believe a little bit in yourself
just for a while let it be?
Your story is very uplifting for me and I won't consider your rants at all
You are moving ahead no matter on so HUGE obstacles and that is so inspiring
Keep moving Thebo, must say that I love you man
here is my hug for you
(((Thebo)))

Thanks so much. You inspire me because I often wonder why anyone here would find my story interesting, but when they do, I am inspired. Thank you.

Learning lots of interesting stuff.

I applied to volunteer at the Expressive Therapies Summit in November. If I am accepted I may be able to go to some of the lectures and workshops for free or at least a discount. There is one on the use of folk doll-making in the therapeutic setting. Also there is a lecture on using the fabric of different nations in working with diverse populations (BTW I sew.) There a few art journalling and written journal-keeping workshops. The lectures on treating trauma in the future and the neurological studies on brain changes when the people are engaged in art, music, dance and role play (acting.)

So, in a way, I am glad I did not take a heavier class load than I have. I've been attending all these non-credit events which makes for great learning experiences.

Last week I went to a lecture about survivors of suicide, i.e., people who have lost loved-ones to suicide. Although the presenters were very good, their connecting their creative project, a film about their cross-country bike trip for suicide awareness, to art therapy was not very strong.

(((THEBO)))

This is great stuff...and the best part is it gets you out of your own head for a while. Keep up the good work.