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#411286 - 09/24/12 05:38 PM Input/feedback...?
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I'm really struggling today and so I texted a few people about that struggle.

So at the moment I'm so horribly triggered by a reply and a little back and forth I had with one fellow that I'm not sure how to feel/respond whatever.

So here's the back and forth before I just keep typing away:

Me: Just sending a note. Not looking for ansers or anything. Just ahring. Struggling today pretty bad. Utterly hate my mess, bur for some reason it's mine to deal with. It's on of those days that is just so frustrating and difficult. Yes I'm praying about it and seeking God's peace, but the struggle remains along with all the feelings and thoughs.

Other: How can I help?

Me: Not sure anyone can at this point. If anyone can I'm clueless as to how.

Other: praying for you brother, but ultimately you're going to have to claim vicotry over the stuff. lay it at the later and walk away.

Me: Maybe you truly believe it's that easy or I'm just that weak. I don't know, either way I've never seen any one have success with the "just get over it method".

Other: you're not getting over it in your own power scott. If that was the case we'd all be stuck in our own crap and satan's victory would be complete. it really is just that simple brother. repent of your own stuff and forgive others of theirs.



So..... that's the dialog. I haven't replied back because like I said, I'm horribly triggered, and know if I keep having this talk back and forth I'm just going to go downhill more and more.

So please read it and let me know your take. Out of the 3 I sent the initial message to this fellow knows the most but my past and some current struggles but certainly not everything.

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#411287 - 09/24/12 06:02 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
SamV Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5925
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
It sounds like he is being over simplistic, indeed. Surviving and recovery can and do suck! The act of pulling oneself away from the madness of the abuse and actually putting the shame and controls on those responsible is a tremendous burden. It is overwhelming!

Text, blogs and chat are terrible mediums for conveying the true depth of compassion and empathy. Whatever his distraction, this reply was not of a caliber that rose to the struggle you are feeling. To "lay it at the alter" is good advice, but you may not have been ready to hear it. What you may have wanted was empathy, that the other person could have told you he too struggles from time to time, and is stuck in the funk of the past, and it is difficult to breakthrough. I know for me it certainly can be a struggle to work through the hour/day/week of discouragement.

I feel your pain Scott and it is my honor to sit with you in this ache and misery in companionship. Sometimes we need to feel the weight of our struggle, it IS a burden, it IS a chore others do not have to carry. I am here for you, having been through this and feeling the effects of this difficulty. Sometimes the news will display pictures of weary soldiers with soulless eyes, sweaty and muddy, clothing stained and wore with heavy fighting, this is how those times feel for me, like I have nothing left to give. If this is your status Scott, you just lean up against me and I will lean up against you, and we won't have to rest in the mud.

Sam
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge.” (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#411288 - 09/24/12 06:05 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Scott,
Sorry to hear u r struggling. The advice he gave you depends on your belief that God can handle your burdens. Just like your skit in the YouTube video. He is saying to release this chains to God and claim the victory. It is tough to do at times when we feel like their is no hope. I don't know any easy answer to what you got going on. You seem to me like a man who knows Gods power so you know he is th ultimate comforter is these triggering times. Your friend seems to know what works for him and his problems. That is why , I believe, he told you this. I wish I knew how to help or what to say my brother. I will pray for you friend. We have victory from the devil when we rebuke him in the name of Jesus. He must flee. Wishing you the best
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#411289 - 09/24/12 06:08 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
I know when I get depressed it is tough to get in the right mindset. Can't nobody tell me anything to make me feel better. It feels like I am all alone. But I was never all alone really.
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#411307 - 09/24/12 10:00 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
Sorry to hear that your friend made it sound like a simple and instant process. For me, it was a start, with laying all of this at the Cross, but only a start. I was afraid for years as I thought if I say anything God will find out and really hate me. That was how they kept me under control...guilt, shame and fear of discovery. Then I realized God already knew everything, and those chains were broken off of me. I'm still working on figuring it all out. I learned to forgive my perps because it helped me more then it helped them, I was able to start letting go of anger. When I started I learned to say that I am no longer defined by this. This past week I learned that I was never defined by it. I'm just starting the process, getting back into T, but I do get strength through my faith, and I don't think God expects me to figure it out all at once.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#411319 - 09/24/12 11:17 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3203
Loc: back in the USA
Originally Posted By: JustScott
... ultimately you're going to have to claim vicotry over the stuff. lay it at the later and walk away.

Me: Maybe you truly believe it's that easy or I'm just that weak. I don't know, either way I've never seen any one have success with the "just get over it method".

Other: ... it really is just that simple brother. repent of your own stuff and forgive others of theirs.


Scott -

i hope you are feeling at least a little better now. i can identify with your frustration. all the nice religious prases and cliches just don't seem to "work" most of the time for me. i can identify an element of truth in them - but as far as being a practical way of actually living and putting principles into practice - it all seems to fall short.

"claim victory ... and walk away" - sounds like the end result as seen from the safe vantage point of hindsight - after the battle is over - but it doesn't meet the felt need in the here and now. i guess that is how you would look at it from the "faith" point of view - as if it has already been accomplished. but when you are still in the thick of the conflict, it just sounds like fantasy or delusions.

and - NO! - speaking as one survivor to another - there is nothing "simple" about our circumstances. the physical, emotional, mental and psychological effects that our experiences - and the residual stuff that has followed - has had on us is anything but "simple" !!! sure - God's grace is the ultimate answer to all human ills - whether they are small or overwhelming in scale - but this kind of dismissive comment is either clueless or disrespectful - and far from compassionate. it is true in a sense - but it is like skipping to the final page of the book and seeing "The End" without reading every long, complicated, detailed, time-comsuming page.

i won't even try to address the "repent" and "forgive" parts of the message in great depth beyond these observations:

1. both those verbs are indicative of responsibilities being placed upon you by the advisor. only YOU can determine if they are legit advice for now or not. the bad news is - they put all the burden on you to make the difference. the good news is - if it is the right course - at least you have the opportunity to act and not just be a passive object that is unable to do anything.

2. i think that both actions are ones that are not necessarily one-time events. i have felt the need to repeatedly and progressively work on forgiving the step-father. i was not re-doing the same work - but going deeper and making it more complete as i gained more understanding. likewise with repentance - i have realized more things that i was guilty of in the ways i have tried to compensate for or deny or medicate myself and treated others - as effects of what was done to me, but also as my own choices. and i have had to deal with them accordingly. again - NONE of that is SIMPLE - it is like delicate surgery that God performs slowly, carefully and gently - but it still hurts like hell!

sorry - i don't know how to wrap this up - it's open-ended. there is not gonna be an easily articulated answer. you - me - all of us - are stuck wrestling with this on a continuing basis. maybe some day we'll be free of it all. hopefully while we are still in this life...

Lee


Edited by traveler (09/24/12 11:22 PM)
Edit Reason: sp
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#411322 - 09/24/12 11:46 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I know in my initial text I even stated I wasn't looking for solutions. Sam is right, and these words from the song "I will not walk away " ht Michael card really are what I'm feeling.
Quote:

( Don’t read me pointless poems, friend. Don’t diagnose. Don’t condescend. Though you may be right to disagree, I need someone to weep with me.)


I just needed someone to understand and be there. Sadly one didn't reply at all, one response you did see, and the other at least said he was praying for me.

I know about giving it up to God, but that doesn't make everything instantly go away or take away all the issues. Sure I know that God certainly could if He so chose, but even Paul asked to be delivered from a struggle and was told "My grace is sufficient for you."

God can do it but He doesn't do it for everyone because for some of Y's He asks us to just have faith and trust. Even Paul was able to realize that his struggle kept him from falling into pride and arrogance and so "embraced" hus weakness.

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#411323 - 09/24/12 11:52 PM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2568
I just have so many issues I struggle with and have no where to go with.

I was really thinking of sharing stuff with these guys but now I feel like I cant.

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#411326 - 09/25/12 12:02 AM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3203
Loc: back in the USA
Sorry, Scott.

i know that feeling, too.

we are here - as a last resort.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#411332 - 09/25/12 01:40 AM Re: Input/feedback...? [Re: JustScott]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
We are here for you Scott. We know , somewhat anyway, the feelings people like us feel. Sorry you are struggling brother. I kinda look up to you on this site, I know you didn't ask me to, but I do. I hope you get to feeling better.


Edited by Country (09/25/12 01:42 AM)
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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