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#411164 - 09/23/12 05:34 PM Was this abuse?
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Growing up my mum was always very dependant on me for company/affection. (she still is). I was a mummies boy and I was/am her best friend. (She is not mine)

From the ages of 13-16 my mum and I were involved in a mission group that did a one hour kids show every week - for 3 years at the local markets. It was called 'The (my last name) Family Puppets' I was a clown (tears of a clown...so true) and a puppeteer. It was pretty physically demanding. The performer in me loved it. I was centre stage and most of the show centered around me. In some ways this was a great experience and gave me heaps of confidence later in life. But....

During this time I was also very ill with Chronic Fatigue(ME and would be too sick/exhausted to go to school or anything else for 2 days after the show. I would be in sooo much pain. I couldn't hold my head up at the dinner table. I missed a lot of school. One time I almost felt like my dad was proud of me - because everyone else thought I was good and it made him look good because he had a talented son. Normally he acted like he was ashamed of his 'creative' son.


I can't help feeling now (my wife admitted yesterday that she has always thought it was messed up) that I was just a performing monkey. My parents where using me to make themselves look good. They weren't looking after my best interests....they were making me sick.
They also didn't feed me enough and there are other examples but I will leave it at that.

I think it is a part of why I feel the need to perform/please people in order to feel loved and accepted.
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#411165 - 09/23/12 05:57 PM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal Australian brother, Lee.

To me at the very least (in my opinion) is that you were being emotionally & mentally abused. Being made to perform against your will.

Of course the physical part of it too, the pain the long hours, the chronic fatigue, etc. Not giving you the proper nourishment to keep you healthy.
That is very much abuse by anyone's standards.

It is a sad state of affairs to be abused in any fashion especially by the very persons whom had brought you into this world.

Now, you have to pay the high price of being abused by them. It will take it's emotional, mental & physical toll on you, as you very well know.

My Australian brother, I offer you my compassion, understanding & hope on your journey to try and recover from this.

Be kind & gentle on yourself. Believe in yourself.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.
Pete..Irishmoose
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#411166 - 09/23/12 07:34 PM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
If you have ever seen the movie 'Gypsy'(1962) with Natalie Wood. This is what it felt like for me (without all the stripping obviously). Funnily enough I did want to be a stripper too (messed up). My older brother said he didn't want to do the puppets anymore and it was left to me to hold the act together.

I did enjoy the attention from it and I don't recall ever saying that I didn't want to do it anymore. There was a gap in the sexual abuse for most of this period.

I just think as a parent myself they should have put a stop to it when it started affecting my health.

Funny too how I thought I had a good Christian upbringing......
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#411193 - 09/24/12 12:05 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Dragon Boy Offline


Registered: 09/18/12
Posts: 29
Loc: uk
I would call it abuse Lee, and I'm sad that they did that to you. I too have had people do things that on the surface are non-violent but they did them knowing and seeing that they effect would be to physically harm me or make me suffer. It's difficult to explain the impact of this sort of abuse or know what to call it because the same things done to a healthy person would often cause little or no harm at all.

I can say to someone 'my mother made me get out of bed and go to the highstreet yesterday with her' and it seems no big deal. It wasn't ok that she manipulated me into feeling like I had no choice but at the end of the day no real damage done and I just need to learn to have better boundries with her. When you understand that I have been bed bound, too sick and in too much pain to even shower with the help of my carers for the last 2 weeks and the result of that trip ment I was unable to sit up un-aided or whisper to communicate with my partner and kids then her making me do that suddenly looks like a whole much more of a big deal!

What your parents did

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#411195 - 09/24/12 12:10 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Dragon Boy Offline


Registered: 09/18/12
Posts: 29
Loc: uk
What your parents did was similar. It wasn't ok that they made you feel like you had to do it but if you'd been a healthy kid then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. The fact that they saw it making you sick and kept on making you do it at the expense of your education and your health makes it abuse most definately.

Also not feeding you properly as a separate issue is neglect which is abusive.

I'm sorry you had to live like that mate.

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#411196 - 09/24/12 12:12 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Dragon Boy Offline


Registered: 09/18/12
Posts: 29
Loc: uk
And yeah it is messed up for them to use you like a 'performing monkey' to get the attention they felt they needed.

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#411198 - 09/24/12 12:20 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Dragon Boy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Farmer Boy

Interesting story.

I have also profited from seeing myself in various movies.

What are the symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome?

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (09/24/12 12:21 AM)

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#411208 - 09/24/12 02:09 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Thanks guys

I think I am just questioning everything from my childhood now. I am just starting to think that what was my 'normal' actually wasn't normal afterall.

It has been bit of a grey issue for me. I know we shouldn't compare but it is not as obviously abusive as the brutal emotional, mental and physical abuse that so many of you have suffered.

I guess you could say that she used emotional blackmail to control me.

I also remembered (while going around in circles on the tractor today) that I didn't want to do the clowning in the first place. I just wanted to hide behind the puppet stage. My mum guilted me into being a clown because there was noone else to do that part. It was so embarrasing for a teenage boy just trying to be like everyone else.
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#411211 - 09/24/12 02:25 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: pufferfish]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Hey Puffer

What movies have you seen yourself in?

Chronic Fatigue has a multitude of symptoms and they are different for everyone. The main symptom affecting everyone is a type of exhaustion known as post-exertional malaise or 'crash'. I describe it as being hit by a truck. In the 90's they called it the Yuppie Flu because it is like having a really bad flu that lasts for years. (the yuppie part is because it seemed to affect mostly young, high achievers who pushed themselves too hard.)

For me the other main symptom was severe joint and muscle pain.

Here is a list of some of the other symptons from the net:
ME/CFS is a very complex, multi-system chronic illness, many other symptoms will occur and must be present for diagnosis. These include:
- Neuro-cognitive (new difficulties in thinking, concentrating, memory loss, vision, clumsiness, muscle twitching or tingling)
- Disrupted sleep
- Pain or aches in the muscles, joints or head
- A drop in blood pressure, feeling dizzy or pale
- Palpitations, increased heart rate or shortness of breath with exertion or on standing
- Allergies or sensitivities to light, odours, touch, sound, foods, chemicals and medications
- Gastrointestinal changes such as nausea, bloating, constipation, diarrhoea
- Urinary problems
- Sore throat, tender lymph nodes and a flu-like feeling
- Marked weight change extreme loss or gain
- Inability to cope with temperature changes.




Edited by Farmer Boy (09/25/12 07:21 AM)
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#411212 - 09/24/12 02:35 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Just to cause another crisis.....
(they seem to come one after another at the moment)

My mum just rang and my mum and dad are coming to visit me for a few days on the weekend. (they haven't visited me in over a year).

Maybe 4 hours away wasn't far enough...HaHaHa....

On the up side I think my dad actually is proud of me now that I look like a manly man (rugged, ripped (sort of), bronzed Aussie type) with a beautiful family and a successful farmer(more successful than he ever was). My mum makes it known that she is dissappointed because I am 'wasting' my creativity.

I really hope I didn't become a farmer for his approval???

I might just have to make an effort not to let them bring me down and not let them manipulate me anymore. I am bigger than them now afterall.
I know that they didn't do it intentionally and only did it because of their own 'issues' so I don't think it is worth having a go at them about it. I think she was thought that she was giving me an opportunity to use and develop my gifts. We did spread the gospel too.

It has burst my bubble a little.


Edited by Farmer Boy (09/24/12 07:37 AM)
Edit Reason: added more
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