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#411239 - 09/24/12 11:15 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Hey farmer ,

From one ex farmer here.
First, the whole exploitation of you as a kid only confirms one thing I always believed is at the root of all abuse. Children still don't have rights as individuals, they are their parents properties with all tithe consequences.
Second, it's funny that all the symptoms of extreme fatigue you listed definitely applied to me, until I was diagnosed last May with acute leukemia. In retrospect I think I had been sick for a few years, stress, genetics, environment, who knows. A blood test and a check up should be part of a survivors routine, given how much stress we have gone through in life.
Finally, I don't think you became a farmer because of your dad. I think we are either farmers or not. It's a lonely , peaceful lifestyle well suited for survivors. I miss it. I raised boer goats and had a small cow calf operation. Spent my days with them, they are predictable and trustworthy, I don't know, we understood each other and respected our boundaries. It was very rewarding.

Hope this helps a little,
Anthony
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#411243 - 09/24/12 11:54 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
There was something missing from your mother's "being" if she would push her child to suffer through that once it was established as to why you were so wiped-out. Just freakin wrong.
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#411279 - 09/24/12 04:57 PM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Anthony39]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: Anthony39

Finally, I don't think you became a farmer because of your dad. I think we are either farmers or not. It's a lonely , peaceful lifestyle well suited for survivors. I miss it. I raised boer goats and had a small cow calf operation. Spent my days with them, they are predictable and trustworthy, I don't know, we understood each other and respected our boundaries. It was very rewarding.


I really do prefer working with animals rather than people. If they annoy you to much you can just give them truckamyacin (send them on a truck to the saleyards). Ha Ha Ha

I think the fact that I married a beautiful farmer, who loves her Jersey cows, had more to do with it.

I guess it was just in my blood.
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#411290 - 09/24/12 06:14 PM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
U r a redneck from down under. Ha.
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Ephesians 5:25

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#411293 - 09/24/12 07:11 PM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Country]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: Country
U r a redneck from down under. Ha.


HaHaHa

Probably
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#411354 - 09/25/12 10:11 AM Re: Was this abuse? [Re: Farmer Boy]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Hey Farmer Boy,

I had a similar relationship with my parents in some respects. My father in some ways was an emotional child, and my mother met many of her emotional needs with me.

Don't get me wrong. My mother never physically or sexually abused me. We were just REALLY close, emotionally. Beginning when my dad was in the military overseas, I slept with her through much of my childhood, until almost about the time that I got tangled up with CSA which was just before and during middle school.

But it was more than that. I'm the one who comforted her when she cried. Whenever my dad and I argued, she would side with me. It was always me and my mom. And I was an ENORMOUS momma's boy. When it came to beating up anyone who said the slightest thing about my mom, I didn't even consider it fighting. That was just "what you did." And I had the special job of protecting my siblings. On every single thing, my mom depended on me, and babied me, getting me whatever I wanted whenever. She could not say no. But we had this weird thing, these unspoken rules, where I wouldn't push for things that I knew she wouldn't want me to try to get. But she would side with me on everything.

It wasn't until I got into therapy that I learned that there's an incest spectrum--this language may freak some people out--and that my mom and I fit onto the spectrum. There were no barriers between us, except sexual. She wasn't like a parent, but like a partner.

And that's cruel. It's abusive, because a) it's not a consensual or equal relationship. She made the rules. I lived by them. b) it's a manipulative and unhealthy relationship. She was getting what she needed, and so she made sure that I would stay by her side without regard to what a growing kid needs. c) And finally it made for really poor relationship skills on my end. I learned not to ask for what I actually wanted, not to say what I meant. Loyalty came before everything. And parents should get their primary needs (except sexual) met by their kids.

That's fucked up, and I'm glad I learned about why it felt so wrong. Maybe this isn't as serious in some regards as sexual abuse... and I don't think it is, even close... but it does have an impact on a person's life and happiness.

Good luck, brother. Keep healing. Keep learning. And definitely focus on your needs and boundaries so you can avoid the manipulations of twisted parents.

Bob

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