It is confusing to be heterosexual and still getting nervous and excited when in close proximaty to other men. It causes one to doubt self, feel ashamed and disgusted. The abuse has left imprints in the mind. Much like when you put your hands in wet cement it drys and hardens. It is there until you smash through the cement and it cumbles. Therapy is like breaking up that cement. Unfortunately, because the abuse began when so young, around 4 or 5 years old, it appears the imprint is in granite. Much more difficult to smash through. But smash through you will if you keep hammering at it.
I want to smash through all the imprints in my life that deal with my abuse. I hope I can get to that point just to break the cycle somewhat would be good.

Thanks

i like your dicription, i have weird stuff like that in my head too,i started drinking at 8yrs just before i got hit from train just stoped the drinking at 38 and started living the peice of shit life i have recived, what a trash-hole it is at this existance,i can relate to the therapy i have been trying to smash the cement too, ill let you know if i see any good, i havent yet though.

Hang in there.
I just hope maybe my point of veiw might be of help.
For me my life was already smashed and threapy was helping put it back in order, or helping me put my life back together.

fmighell Anc Ak

ithomas,

I kinda go along with both views, for me its a big puzzle with lots of little pieces and i been trying to get them all sorted out and put back together soi can see the picture, still working on it, i also got places where i have been imprinted with things, like the handprints in the cement, some i like, some i dont mind, some i cant stand.

So i guess i am breaking up some stuff and putting some already broken back together in other places

Talking helps, keep at it.

John

you know granite can be chesled, what figure would you like to see,

I would like to see a strong, capable, and healed man. Hopefully, therapy will assist in this creation and healing of my heart, might, mind and my soul.

I can relate, it is too bad other men had to corrupt young boys for their satisfaction.

I am healing one day at a time. As we heal, we can help eachother. Keep healing yourselves to help the next one entering these postings. Since i found this place, I have grown.

i can relate, i have cumpulsive sexual fantisies where i'm forced to be a woman, and it hurts like hell. They key to stopping any addiction is tolerance, persisitance, and trying to love yourself. You ever see the Shawshank Redemption, by stephen king? All it takes is time, and pressure," is a great quote, but you'll have to see it or rent it to know what i mean. Don't give up, don't get lazy, don't make exuses, and don't allow yourself to feel guilty or ashamed.

I do have one practicle suggestion, and that is excersize. It helps you feel pride in our body, and shows you that there is nothing wrong with your body, clothed or naked. It also puts you in touch with your masculinity, and i think it helps you produce testosterone, which makes you feel more confident and assertive. Just don't let it go to your head.

when i exersize,i get excited, sort of end the event, in front of the morror is out of the question, that person in there just reminds me of sex, naked i dont seem to go any where, sex,sex,sex, isnt that sick im fuck up bad,sometims ill think maybe i got bingo and it will all stop.